Chapter 19: Scars and Other Things

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"They say February is the month of love what with Valentine's Day. A whole month devoted to love. It rather sucks when you have to spend a whole month surrounded by thoughts of love, but you can barely bring yourself to love you." Rylan says as she stares out the window.

The doctors had just taken her cast off two days ago. It had taken her ankle about six weeks to heal. Six weeks spent in the hospital with nothing to do but homework, exercise, and TV. The highlight was getting to spend Christmas in the hospital, but even that was miserable since the doctor was slowly starting to wean her off pain meds.

"Rylan, you didn't do anything wrong. You have no reason to hate yourself." Cas replies.

He looks up from the Geometry book lying in his lap to stare at the back of Rylan's head. He is glad to have his best friend back, even if there are still a few things within her damaged beyond repair.

"It's not that easy, Cas. All the shit that's happened to me--I can't look at myself. I feel broken and until I can figure out how to glue my pieces back together, February is going to be rough."

"We'll help you. All of us."

Rylan continues staring out the window and frowns.

"You don't have to keep doing this all alone."

"But that's just it; I am alone. None of what happened to me has happened to you or Tuck or Dani or my dad. You don't know how I feel. You can't."

"So let me try to understand. I'll be here whenever you're ready to talk about it."

"Thank you, but I just want things to go back to normal." Rylan shifts her eyes from the window, trying to catch a glimpse of Cas without turning her head. "My dad won't let me go back to Northvale. He says he wants to homeschool me from now on."

"I know. He told my dad. Besides, I eavesdrop a lot lately." Cas hints.

"Because of me."

The fact sounds base in the small hospital room. Rylan knows she has caused a great deal of grief for those around her. She knows how much her secrets have hurt her father and damaged the trust of her friends. No one is willing to trust her on her own anymore. Her friends have resorted to sneaking around and eavesdropping just to find out everything they can about Rylan and the case. Rylan doesn't like it, especially since Cas finds out things before she does and won't share them with her; and because he has been trying to spy on Mr. Quinn.

Rylan wants Mr. Quinn to be put away forever, but she doesn't want her friends to put themselves in harm's way to do it.

"Promise me." She demands.

"I'm being careful, Rylan." Cas replies, annoyed because they've had this conversation before.

"No. Promise me you'll stop if it gets too dangerous."

"I can't."

Rylan spins around, suddenly angry. "Why not?"

"Have you seen yourself?! If we don't stop him now, he could hurt someone else, or worse!" Cas snaps.

He slams the math book shut and stands. Rylan crosses her arms loosely, but protectively over her chest.

"I have to go back." She says suddenly.

Cas blinks. "What?"

"To Northvale. I have to go back."

"Rylan, that isn't—"

"I'm the only one who can get a reaction from him! He'll never slip up with the cops and the school board watching him closely, but if I'm there, we have a chance. We can put him on edge, force him to reveal his true self." Rylan interrupts.

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