one day you're screaming you love me loud, the next day you're so cold.

based on the Jay Z song Holy Grail feat. Justin Timberlake.

"you'd take the clothes off my back, and i'd let you."

Liam loved Zayn. Loved him so much more than he should. Not just because of his raven black hair, or his leather jackets, but because he was a nice person. A lot of people didn't know how nice Zayn actually was, how he could try his hardest to cheer someone up, and he won't let the subject go until the other is smiling again or at least looking remotely happy. 

Zayn didn't love Liam though. Well, not in the way Liam wished he did, he loved Liam as a friend, of course he did! But he didn't love him enough. There was only so much someone could take of Liam, because he became clingy, like a toddler. Zayn felt like he needed to try with Liam, like really hard. Zayn knew how Liam felt, it was obvious really. It made him kind of nervous to be around Liam because of the consent feeling "he likes me, he really likes me." 

"you'd steal the food right out my mouth, and i'd watch you eat it."

Zayn took advantage of Liam. Liam was vulnerable, he would let Zayn do anything around him. Liam didn't realise Zayn only cared about himself, or girls. He wasn't gay. He used Liam for his own sexual frustrations and left Liam to take care of himself. Liam didn't mind. He loved Zayn. 

It got to the point where Zayn was sleeping with Liam, just for the laughs. Liam was oblivious, of course he was. Zayn would tell allsorts of people about how 'shit' Liam is in bed, and how he knows nothing about how to please someone. But Zayn keeps on using Liam for his own pleasure.

"I still don't know why, why I love you so much."

I don't think Liam knew why he loved Zayn either. Zayn wasn't exactly a bad person. He just didn't know how to deal with the fact, he was sleeping with someone who loved him, and he felt nothing. Liam soon realised he needed to stop sleeping with Zayn. He finally realised that Zayn was using him, and it wasn't nice to hear. 

Liam confronted Zayn, face to face, and told him how much he loved him. And you know what Zayn did? He laughed. He didn't know what else to do. Zayn told him that it was all a joke, the sleeping around, the sex. Liam didn't know where to put himself, so he ran, so fast.

"you curse my name, in spite to put me to shame."

Zayn soon realised, after not seeing Liam for a week at school, that he had done something really wrong. Last thing Liam told him was "I hate you Zayn." "I never want to see you again."  And he didn't blame him for saying any of it. Zayn deserved all the looks he got in the corridors, all the stares and laughs from Liam's friends. 

Liam was broken, absolutely broken. He actually felt like he wanted to die. He felt sick. He felt cheated. He felt ashamed. He felt abused. Zayn had tried to explain, but Liam didn't care right now. He needed to know why Zayn was such a cunt, but it'll wait. He needs to figure out what to say to people, his mum, his friends. Needs to figure out what to say to Zayn.

"have my laundry in the streets, dirty or clean, give it up for fame."

Its been a month and finally Liam is going back to school. Being the way he is, its hard for him to forget things, he had a very good memory. He remembered everything. Everything Zayn has said and done to him in the past. "I love you so much Liam, c'mon let me suck you off." "If you loved me, you'd let me fuck you." love love love love love. Its all Liam heard, but it was all a lie. Zayn was a liar. 

When Zayn tried to apologise, Liam told him to fuck off. Told him to just leave him alone, never talk to him again. But Zayn didn't give up. He followed Liam around, told him he wouldn't leave him alone until Liam let him speak. Liam finally gave in, and what he heard was not what he expected.

"but I still don't know why, why I love it so much."

Zayn told Liam he loved him. Its not like Liam hadn't heard it before, but this time Zayn actually meant it. Zayn spent night after night trying to figure out what it all meant, and he came to the conclusion that he loved him. And after he figured it all out, it made sense. 

Zayn always tried to not like Liam, he always tried to be just friends with him, but it didn't work. He loved him so much. The feeling was mutual but, he didn't want to admit it. After confessing he was sorry and that he'd never use Liam again, he told him. Straight out told him. "yeah and I think I'm in love with you." 

"and baby, its amazing i'm in this maze with you."

Liam was confused. His feelings were all over the place, he didn't know what to feel or what to do about Zayn. Zayn had used him, abused him for his own benefit and then told him he loved him. Liam didn't feel safe, he didn't want to go into a melt down again for a month, he wanted to be normal again.

Zayn hasn't spoken to Liam for a week, he doesn't know what to say. Liam just ran after Zayn told him he loved him. I guess thats all Zayn can do now. Wait for Liam to make up his mind about god knows what and tell Zayn what he wanted to hear.

"I just can't crack your code."

From being so intimate with someone to practially ignoring them is hard. Its hard for both of them. Zayn's finally coming to terms with his feelings and Liam doesn't even know what to do with his. Zayn is just waiting for Liam to crack, for Liam to come crawling back and cuddle into Zayn and everything will be okay. But even Zayn knows that won't happen, he's broken so many promises before that he doesn't even though Liam's going to come back.

Liam is on the edge, so close to calling Zayn and telling him, "hey, I think I'm in love with you too." but it seems like an awfully big step to take after what he's been through. Liam wants him, he wants him so much more than he did before, but its impossible for them to have a relationship right now, not with the circumstances.

"one day you're screaming you love me loud, the next day you're so cold."

They finally decide to talk it through. To talk about their friendship, their relationship and where they are now. Everything is going okay, they have decided to give it a shot, be friends again. Liam likes the sound of it, and by the sound of it, so does Zayn with the way he's smiling. 

Liam ignores Zayn for a while, after finding out something which happened a while ago, after Zayn told everyone about how Liam's bad at sex. Liam's had enough with Zayn's playing around and just wants to know the truth. But Liam won't listen to a word Zayn says anymore. Because its all lies.

"one day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care, you're so unfair."

Zayn still loves Liam. Even after Liam's massively big mood change, Liam has began to swear, hang out with a lot of different people and christ, he's even decided to smoke. Zayn's worried about Liam, of course he is, who else isn't? 

He's different too. He's toned down his quiff and he dresses more quieter now, not wanting to grab attention for himself anymore. He wants Liam's attention. No one else's. But Zayn is here, and Liam is there. But still, they both care. Its so unfair.

"sipping from your cup 'til it runneth over."

Zayn decides to go to a party. One where Liam will be too. He needs to talk to him now, its either now or never. Zayn needs to know exactly how Liam feels. If he's over him, which Zayn wishes he isn't. Or if he is still the same 17 year old Zayn fell in love with a year ago. 

Zayn finds Liam alone in a room finally, and asks him what's happened to them. Liam didn't reply only steps forward, closer towards Zayn. 

"Liam, you have to tell me, what's happenin-"

Liam kissed Zayn. 

"Thank you." Liam said softly after pulling away.

Grinning up at Liam, Zayn asked, "For what?"

"For loving me."

"holy grail."