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[ Dedicated to Kourtney — biluke for painting her thoughts in her books so beautifully and being the person who inspired me to write; her books are the epitome of perfection ]
[ Chapter 04: Still Breathing ]
What Aliza realised after reducing any memories of Sairah's physical memories to ashes in her backyard was that the fire beneath her skin had subsided – along with the fire she had lit to burn everything that involved Sairah – and that was supposed to be a good thing.
Tragically enough, it wasn't.
Even after the flames weren't trapping her heart anymore, she could feel the burn of the wounds encasing her heart. It was suffocating – as if her lungs were filled with water whereas her heart was scorching from the undeniable blaze of heartbreak.
For a week or two, Aliza didn't dare step outside her house. Sleep had constantly eluded her since the day she last saw Sairah. Her being was devoid of happiness, the alacrity she once carried around was ripped off her bones and smiles were an elusive concept to her.
She barely had any friends before Sairah because of her “sinful” sexuality and now, she didn't have any because the friends she had were mutuals with Sairah. Everything was a mess. She felt like she couldn't breathe without Sairah.
That was until she visited the supermarket to buy groceries.
She hadn't even put the least effort in her appearance, making herself appear like a vagrant and that didn't matter until she reached the fifth aisle and she wondered how could her heart hurt as much as it did that moment.
There, she saw Sairah and Alexander. They were looking at each other in the same way they had that day. It was déjà vu when she saw Sairah kiss him on the cheek and laugh so differently – so genuinely – that Aliza wondered if there was anything real between what they had shared.
Before she could flee from the scene, Sairah turned and met her eyes and Aliza's world was fractured just once more and she questioned inwardly just how could she be that happy; as if nothing had happened.
“Aliza,” Sairah breathed out and abruptly, Aliza was no more wanting any closure. She had wanted closure – of course – but not now, not when she knew that she deserved someone better than Sairah; Sairah who claimed that she loved her; Sairah who went behind her back and betrayed her; Sairah who didn't contact her for two weeks; Sairah who was now standing in front of her holding the same faux love in her eyes which she did all the time and Aliza decided that she was sick of it — sick of being lied to and sick of being the weak one.
She had always been weak — when her parents died, when she came out to her aunt and she threw her out of the house, when she was ignored by anyone who knew about her sexuality, when she loved.
She wanted to be strong for once in her life.
She wasn't sure what it was, – it was probably her need to not allow Sairah anymore epicaricacy – but she managed to harden her voice before replying, “What do you want?”
Sairah didn't seemed to be the least bit phased by her reaction as she moved forward to wrap her arms around the petite brunette. Appalled, Aliza stepped back and pushed Sairah back a bit. “What the hell do you think you're doing, Sairah?”
At that, Sairah's face fell and her expression morphed into a confused one. Aliza scoffed, now realising how huge of a liar she was dating. Aliza had just witnessed Sairah kissing someone else and the blonde, still, didn't consider looking the least bit guilty.
“What did I do, Liza?” Aliza contained the urge to flinch at the nickname. She failed, but Sairah didn't notice.
“I don't know,” she replied, instead. “It's not like you slept with Alexander and just kissed him in front of me,” she accused, gesturing to the boy who was standing by the shelves and observing hair dyes.
Sairah seemed to finally understand that she was caught, but that didn't stop her from denying facts. “What? No! I could never do that to you, Liza. I lov —”
“No! You don't get to say that!” Aliza snapped, voice on the verge of yelling. A few people looked towards her, but she paid no mind to them. She had more relevant matters in her hand and that didn't involve caring about public behaviour. “You don't get to insult love after you've done this to us! It's your fucking fault, Sairah!”
Sairah scowled. “It's not my fault,” she hissed. “It's not my damn fault that you were pathetic enough to love me! You knew very fucking well that I don't do relationships, but you just had to be the delusional one who thinks that relationships and love exists. Bullshit!”
Aliza blinked; she didn't recognise the girl standing in front of her –the one who she thought was happy with her had such a pernicious perspective on her. She sucked in a deep breath, trying to count her heartbeats so that she won't fall over due to the shock of the statement that had been thrown her way. She had no idea and maybe that's what hurt the most — that she was really delusional.
But again, she had every right to be delusional when she was told again, and again that she's loved after years of being unwanted. She didn't know how much she had craved love until she met Sairah and now that she was gone, she was realising that she hadn't felt hatred all these days she was away from Sairah; she had just felt longing – and anger, to an extent – towards her. Nothing less, nothing more.
So, she tilted her head up and planted an easy smile on her face as she looked right into Sairah's eyes. “It's sad how you're putting the blame on me when you were the one who voluntarily went and cheated on me. It's okay, though. I understand that you're such a fucking coward that you couldn't face me.”
Sairah went to reply, but Aliza had already turned her back to her – to memories, to heartbreak and to herself; the one who was delusional and loved Sairah – and started walking away with a promise of not crying anymore, not over someone who won't care. She made a lot of promises, but this one was different because she intended to keep it.
That's when she realised that she'll be alright. That she doesn't need someone to breathe, or someone to be by her side to be happy. She can do that very well on her own.
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Fin.
Word count: 940
Total word count:3675
[ A/N: That's it! The end of “Still Breathing” (: I hope you guys liked it 'cause this story was quite close to my heart.
![[ Dedicated to Kourtney — biluke for painting her thoughts in her books so beautifully and being the person who inspired me to write; her books are the epitome of perfection ]](https://img.wattpad.com/d7628744c7a5cc065efb2a88684f76e982ffd661/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f3174482d4e394c43485156356d513d3d2d3233313032333630392e313433656361633663363230643562322e6a7067?s=fit&w=720&h=720)
