Professor C (camren)

16 - Jauregui (Part 1)

"I desperately wanted to fall in love again...but after what happened with Camila and Roxanne, it took me a while to come around. Those things just make you a little cautious, you know. It makes you trust less and less, and you just assume everyone is like them. And I guess...I just wasn't completely over Camila and I was still hoping to find her and we could pick up where we left off. And even with so little that I gave him, he tried and tried to show me just how much he loved me that I started to feel guilty.

"It was like a week into our second month as a married couple when I finally felt that I wanted to give myself to him – to finally be his wife. I even thought of marrying him again, in a church, this time with my family and...you guys. But then, I found out from his friend, who could not lie for him anymore, that he slept with someone on our wedding night after he stormed off not just because I wouldn't do it but because I kicked him, and he had practically been cheating on me since. He was rarely home but I didn't think much of it at the time because he's a doctor; he's busy. I just didn't know he was banging an intern.

"But, god, I frustrated him so much that the soft-spoken gentleman I knew just disappeared one day. He just became a persistently demanding, affection-deprived man. He turned into a monster and honestly, Dinah, I don't blame him because it was my fault. I led him on and made him suffer through it, too. And I didn't tell him that I knew about everything or that I wanted to try until he just filed for the annulment."

Lauren's shoulders jerked as sobs racked her body. Her ragged breaths were not just apparent in the way her chest heaved but also with her audible and intermittent huffs that were beyond her control now. Her face was drenched in tears and Dinah was already handing her the entire paper towel dispenser while wiping at the area beneath her own eyes.

Dinah desperately wanted to move to Lauren's side. But she felt as though her friend wouldn't want to be consoled with the way she was deflecting any sort of comfort, even with Dinah's meager words. Without much choice, Dinah remained quiet and waited patiently for Lauren to reconstruct her bearings beginning with carefully dabbing a napkin all over her face.

"It's embarrassing to admit how I was only married for two months." Lauren sniffled, looking down on the mascara-stained paper. "I value marriage so much and I never wanted to be married more than once. And here I am, finally at the finish line of my first one. I thought I was better than this."

"It's okay, Lauren. I know it doesn't seem like it to you but it's okay. I promise you." Dinah meekly reassured her; hopelessly wishing that Lauren would listen to her this time.

If she could, she could have climbed atop the small table to get to Lauren but didn't. Instead, she reached for Lauren's hand once more but this time, she enveloped it between both of hers. She held Lauren's pained gaze no matter how much it hurt her, acknowledging the fact that her friend was in dire need of encouragement.

Dinah was offended, really and her entire body was protesting the fact that Lauren was seeing herself as the culprit, the only person responsible for all the hurt and suffering.

"I can't imagine how much it hurts and I'm sorry you had to go through it. And I'm even sorrier I wasn't there but you can't just look back and look at it as just your sole mistake. Roxanne was a bitch who led you on and sure, you led Sean on. But as far as I'm concerned, you were trying to get better. And even if you didn't love him, you never cheated on him. Please don't blame it all on you." She implored, willing her own tears from spilling. She needed to see Lauren clearly and if she cried, her voice would waver and it was necessary that Lauren could comprehend her critical words.

"And, god, Lauren. You're one of the most wonderful, most kind people I know. You're so selfless and so beautiful. No egotistic shit would go above and beyond to be there for these students who aren't even your friends. You care enough to help them through their personal problems while you're quietly hurting. You take care of their kids, of Pebble, for crying out loud." Dinah ardently reasoned, squeezing Lauren's hand with every crucial reason she shared. "There will still be a lot of problems you will face but I promise you, you'll have me from here on out. You only have to come to me if I'm not already there. Do you understand?"