Professor C (camren)

16 - Jauregui (Part 1)

"I was still looking for Camila but I asked Sinu and Alejandro what they thought of me possibly dating and they weren't against it seeing as Camila and I had broken up. And because I dated Gavin in high school, I figured I could swing either way and even if I haven't even gone out with a guy in almost a decade or even touched one, I was going to try. Because...what if my happiness was with him?

"So, I took up Sean's invites to go out with a couple of our work friends and he would stick by me all through the night. Months later, he asked me on dates that were just me and him and by mid-January, two years ago, we made it official." Lauren swallowed thickly, overwhelmed by her own overriding words. "He was so happy, Dinah and I-"

Lauren's voice faltered as she coughed a quiet sob. Her tears barraged out of her glossed eyes, freefalling down to her lap. The reality of her past situation with Sean dawned on her. She could remember having a good laugh while talking to Dinah about her one-sided relationship in the past, but right there, she began to feel the repercussions of her choices which was targeting her bruising conscience.

And while she was recounting her most memorable days, a new perspective would arise; one that had the opportunity to bloom without prejudice – the kind that had been given time to mature. Unfortunately, what fruits of her open mind felt awful.

Lauren finally realized she was being selfish and she was horribly unfair to the man.

Mindful of the fact that they were both in a public establishment, Lauren was aware that she was exposing her darkest side, the corner where the light could not penetrate. While she felt quite ashamed, she could not help but acknowledge that by speaking, she was freeing herself of the burden with Dinah's aid.

And as for her physical state, despite the struggle to breathe, the tightness in her chest was slowly letting up. She was grateful to whoever swayed her to only put on some waterproof mascara and lipstick for the proceeding considering that if it wasn't the case, she would look like a literal wreck. But while her emotions were all over the place, Lauren was stripped of her impressive eloquence. Her coherence had gone in all sort of place but she could not bring herself to actually care. With whatever jumbled words and sentences she could come up with, she was able to express her feelings to Dinah and at the time, it was all that mattered.

"You don't have to continue, Lauren." Blinking her tears away, Dinah cooed softly, reaching to encapsulate Lauren's much smaller hand in hers; a tangible reassurance that she felt Lauren needed to feel. She hoped her gesture would tell Lauren that it was okay to unload everything right then and there and that it was also perfectly acceptable if she chose to stop. "If it's too much, don't. I don't want you suffering because of this. I understand, okay?"

And as Dinah expected, despite begging the gods for another kind of response, Lauren shook her head. Among every adjective to describe Lauren, stubborn would be among those at the top of the list, along with determined and strong-willed. It was no surprise that she chose to continue baring most of her demons for her own peace of mind.

Lauren took Dinah by surprise when she bravely lifted her gaze to see Dinah's worried eyes despite wisps of dark brown hair sticking to her face amidst the great turmoil riddling her expression. An apparent insecurity tempted her to conceal her bloodshot orbs and tear-stained cheeks but she was going to be brave for herself, for Dinah and for the people who still thought highly of her. She reached up to brush her hand through her thick locks, embracing vulnerability and submitting to judgement, and worked on regaining enough composure to keep her voice from faltering. And because of that, she took another sip of water.

"I was really going to commit to Sean. I was determined to make everything change because he genuinely loved me, unlike Roxanne. I mean, I'd be stupid not to try. He's a real-life version of a prince charming; very handsome, successful and kind-hearted. He respected my decision to not do it while we weren't married and he would not touch me below the waist because my phony excuse was that I felt he was for me and I wanted to do everything right. And I didn't have the decency to at least, be good to him; to respect him. And what did I do? I...I w-was drunk on our wedding day.