Heartstrings Attached

••Sixty: Sky••

••HEARTSTRINGS ATTACHED Part 60••
ThatWallflowerWrites©2015

I waited for my turn. Apparently, ako ang last na mag-gu-goodbye sa kanya bago siya ilipad papuntang states. Monique actually waited with me in silence. May times din na pakiramdam ko nararamdaman niya ang nararamdaman ko at naiintindihan niya ako. Pero alam kong walang makakaintindi sa nararamdaman ko ngayon...

Ako ang dahilan kung bakit siya naaksidente. Tapos ngayon... ilalayo na siya sakin for good. And fighting is a waste of energy.

Loving feels like a virus that's eating me out of life right now. Gusto ko na lang matapos 'to. I wanna stop loving him katulad nang sinabi sakin ng parents niya. Pero letting go seems to be so unattainable... Seems to be a million miles away from where I am at.

"Your turn," Marc said and smiled at me. "He's waiting for you."

Tumayo ako, with wobbly knees. At naglakad papunta sa pinto nang may binulong sakin si Louis. "Sky, I placed his guitar inside. I thought you can sing to him before he go. He will like it."

"I don't know--"

"He will. He always did. Trust me," he said and winked.

Umupo ako beside Clark after kong marahang isara ang pinto. It's just me and him. I miss this. 'Yung kami lang dalawa. Katulad ng kapag nasa music room kami. All there was, was him and the music.

"Clark..." I said as I held his hand. "Clark."

Nanginginig ang mga labi ko. It hurts so much just thinking that it will be the last na makikita ko siya.

Hindi ko rin alam kung ano pang dapat sabihin. Ano pa bang kailangan kong gawin para hindi siya mawala sakin? 'Di ba? Gaano ko man itanggi, wala na naman na talaga akong magagawa. Wala na.

I realized na para rin naman sa kanya ang mangyayari. It's for his own good. 'Yan na lang ang iniisip ko para kahit paano, ma-justify ang pagkakahiwalay namin. That's the US. Recovery will be easier. Tapos makakasama pa niya ang family niya. I will just accept it dahil ito ang makabubuti.

Tatanggapin ko kahit masakit.

Kung hindi lang sana...

Kung hindi lang sana ako isang malaking duwag simula pa lang...

"Sorry..." marahan kong sabi. "Sorry, Clark. Everything was my fault. Alam ko...alam ko na kung naririnig mo ako papagalitan mo ako tapos sasabihin mong hindi ko kasalanan ang mga nangyari. Pero Clark, 'yun ang totoo eh. Kasalanan ko talaga. Kasalanan ko kung bakit nagkagan'to ka. Kasalanan ko kung bakit iuuwi ka na nila. Kasalanan ko lahat..."

Hinigpitan ko ang hawak ko sa kamay niya habang nagsisimula na namang tumulo ang luha ko. Nakakagulat nga na hindi pa ako nadi-dehydrate.

"Alam mo...dati wala akong pakialam kung mahirap lang ako. Pero ngayon, naiinis na ako sa sarili ko. Naiinis ako kasi wala akong kakayahan para dalawin ka dun. Para samahan ka dun. Na...na sa oras na dalhin ka nila ngayon..." Napahinto ako habang hindi na mapigilan ang paghikbi. "...pwedeng hindi na...pwedeng hindi na kita makita ulit."

Sinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa gilid ng kama ni Clark, hawak hawak ang kamay niya habang umiiyak.

What did I do wrong to feel as much as a wreck as I feel right now? Masama ba akong tao? Deserve ko ba 'to?

Inangat ko ulit ang mukha ko para tingnan siya. "Will I see you again, Clark? Or should I just accept the fact that we're really over?"

As I was about to sob some more nang nakita ko yung gitara sa isang sulok ng kwarto. The same guitar that I used the first time I met him in the music room.

At katulad ng unang beses, may kung ano na naman sakin na humihila para kunin 'yon. I placed it on my lap like the first time, hugged it with my arms like it was a fragile and precious memory. Well, it was really a fragile and precious memory. It's Clark's. The thing that linked us and brought us to where we are right now.

Ang weird lang na ito din ang hawak ko ngayon na huling...huling beses na.

"What did you see in me, Clark?" tanong. "Bakit...bakit sa lahat ng babaeng nakilala mo, ako 'yung pinili mo? Anong meron ako at nakuha ko 'yung attention mo? Bakit ako?"

Dumb questions. Ano ba naman kasi ang point, 'di ba? Kung wala na talaga. Kahit gaano pa niya ako kagusto, wala siyang lakas ngayon para ipaglaban kung anong nararamdaman niya. And again, my freaking fault.

I felt every guitar strings one by one. It's too familiar. Too intimate. And then I strum...

And sing...for him.

"I thought I'd never feel love, til now.
I thought I'd never find your radiant face, til now.
I thought our paths would never meet,
Until now, that my heart suddenly beats.
You are what I was searching for,
The gift my heart is beating for..."

He wanted me to sing. He always wanted me to sing. But I wasn't strong enough. I chose to be weak.

"I have found you finally.
What took you so long, my baby?"
How can you not see I've waited so long?
I have found you finally.
Can you look at my eyes and see?"

Akala ko ako na. Akala ko ako na 'yung babaeng tinutukoy niya sa kanta. Pero ngayon, I can never be so sure anymore.

"We're destiny."

I hope, Clark. I really hope that I am the one destined for you.

I stopped my fingers and removed the instrument on my lap. I stood up and reached for his face.

"Clark. Sorry ah," sabi ko sabay tahimik na nagnakaw ng halik sa mga labi niya...for the last time?

I just realize something right there and then. Idinikit ko ang noo naming dalawa sabay sabing, "Sorry... kasi hindi ko pala talaga kaya. Hindi ko kayang basta kalimutan ka. Balikan mo ako ah...kasi hihintayin kita." I smiled. Yes, I did. At hindi ko alam kung bakit.

Love is a very mysterious thing. Last minute ago, I was dying of grief ngayon naman may umuusbong na pagasa sa puso ko.

Si Clark 'to. Babalikan niya ako. Sigurado ako dyan. Kasing sigurado ng pagmamahal naming dalawa. Nangako siya sakin at alam kong hindi niya babaliin ang pangako niya. That's why I'm also going to live with my promise...of waiting for him. Kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba...kahit gaano pa katagal.

Naniniwala ako, kasi what we have is more than a simple love story, more than a love song. Hindi basta-basta lang matatapos.

Every string of my heart will be forever be attached to him. And I don't care if I get tangled somehow, somewhere. As long as at the end of the road, he'll pull me back again next to his heart.

And if that time comes, there is no going back. I will love. I will sing. I will do my best to make him stay.

•~•~•

End of Heartstrings Attached: Music Room (Book I)

Starting next week--> Heartstrings Attached: Sweeter than a Song. (Book II)

Salamat sa pagbabasa mula sa isang simpleng post sa isang simpleng fb group hanggang ngayon na natapos na ang unang installment ng HA. Akalain nyo, one shot lang dapat ito...hindi pa dapat aabot sa 1k words pero ngayon umabot na ng 60 chapters. I didn't imagine. Haha. And that's all because of my lovely readers na hindi nagsasawang mangulit sakin. Salamat.

Tuloy ang poreber!! Book II na next week mga beh!! There will be a new set of characters that I hope you will love (or hate). And new challenges syempre. Magtiwala na lang tayo kila Clark and Sky. Kaya nila yan.

I will try to write a quick preview today (since hindi ako nakapasok sa work due to my injury) abangan nyo din para may clue kayo kung anong mangyayari sa sequel. Aldub you, guys! God bless your beautiful souls.

With love,
--Ate Jen. ^_^