Your The Only Drug I Need

Not Now Please.

I was up in my old room trying to find something to wear. It had been a while since I stayed in the house so I didn't have many things to choose from. I finally decide on a white fading Nirvana shirt, black shorts, black high heel ankle boots, a black beanie, and my glasses instead of contacts. I was putting the beanie on when I heard my cousin start talking from the door way. "Do you really think this is a good idea." I looked over at her. Autumn and her sister Kathryn were twins yet looked nothing alike. Autumn had bleached snow flake white hair, Kathryn had midnight black. Autumn always wore blood red contacts, Kathryn black. Autumn wore bright clothing, while Kathryn wore darker things. But they were best friends, all three of us were. "I don't know." I said truthfully sitting on the bed. I walked over and sat next to me. "Remember when it was you giving me the relationship advice?" She asked laughing. I chuckled nodding my head. "Yeah but you never listened to me." I said leaning on her. "I really should have considering you were always right in the end." I nodded, "What do you think I should do?" I whispered feeling helpless again. She shrugged, "I have no idea. But I know you, and I know that until you go and see Radke your not going to get any sort if closure. You'll keep wanting to go to him until you do. So I think you should get it over and done with." She told me honestly. "But what if when I go there I can't stay away?" I asked picking at my chipping black fingernails. "Then you keep visiting him. Hun you can't plan out everything. And when you do nine times out of ten they aren't going to go your way. So instead of sitting here trying to plan what will happen when you see him, actually go see him." She told me standing up. "Since when are you smart?" I asked standing also. "Since you became miss mope around because of a boy. That's my job!" She said as we walked out the door. I laughed and got my purse. I walked out the door and to my car. I sighed happily as I heard her familiar purr of the engine. Yes I'm a girl and call my car a her. She's my baby, shes a 1967 black chevy impala. I got on the main road and turned on the radio. Cellar Door by Escape The Fate was playing, I smiled as I heard Ronnie's voice. Even now his voice calmed me. I remember the day we met, I had been working on the album cover with them for a week I think but I hadn't talked except the occasional input. Everyone was in the lunch room when I walked in. I put my head down and walked to the coffee maker quickly making me a cuppa before I turned around and hit something sending my coffee on the person. "Oh my god I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed when I realized I just spilled hot coffee on Ronnie Radke. I was freaking out, oh my god he's gonna be pissed, he's gonna tell his manager and have me fired and then his manager is gonna tell other managers and then I won't ever get hired again and ill end up on the streets and- "Hey, hey it's okay. It's just a little coffee, I didn't like this shirt anyways." My internal panic attack was interrupted by Ronnie speaking to me. I looked up at him almost fearfully. "Are you sure?" He chuckled, "Yes! Now why don't come and sit with me and the guys?" He asked gesturing to where him and the rest of the band were sitting. "I don't thi-" "But you spilled hot coffee on me. It's the least you can do." He cut me off and started guilt tripping me. I glared at him, "Fine." I huffed but turned around to make me more coffee considering my last cup is currently drying on Ronnie's shirt....dear god that sounded wrong... When I turned around again Ronnie led me to the table. "Hey guys." He said to the people at the table before sitting down. I followed his lead and waved at everybody. "Your Ember right? The one working on our album cover?" A guy who I'm assuming was Rob asked. I nodded taking a sip of my black coffee. "I'm Max." "Monte" "Rob." So I was right, his name is Rob. After that we talked and I opened up some to all of them. Ronnie more than the rest. By the time I was done thinking I was at the county jail. I took a deep breath as I got out, my hands shaking just a bit. I opened the door and my glasses fogged up from being out in the hot Nevada sun to going into a really cold building. "Hi what can I do for you?" A smiling receptionist asked from behind her computer. "Um, I'm here to see Ronald Radke." I said fidgeting, I still hate talking to people. She smiled at me before typing something into her computer and lifting up a phone, "Yes I have a visitor for Ronald Radke. Alright." She put down the phone and looked up at me, "Just go down that hall and an officer will take escort you to the visiting room." She said still fucking smiling. I nodded and followed her directions. I sat down in one of the waiting chairs and noticed I had a smudge on my glasses. I was cleaning them off when I heard boots heading my way. I looked up to see an officer with a brown police uniform on. He was 6'3 really muscly, had a sleeve of tattoos, crystal blue yes, and blonde hair. "Miss Reynolds?" He asked and I nodded while standing, my nerves coming back full force. He lead me down a hall way and to a room where it looked just like the movies, benches set up in front of stations that had glass separating the two people talking. And a telephone right next to the wall. I noticed that me and the officer were the only ones in the room. "Do you think when Ronnie comes in here we can have some privacy?" I asked, I didn't want to talk with a herd of police men staring at me. He looked at me for a moment and I figured he would say no but he nodded and handed me a little black plastic thing with a red button in the middle. "If he starts to make you uncomfortable or when your ready to leave just press this button and me and another officer will come." He said and left the room. I sat on a chair playing with the ring Ronnie got me for my birthday last month. I looked up when I saw Ronnie being led in the room by a cop. The man took off Ronnie's cuffs and left. Ronnie still had his head down when he put the phone to his ear, I quickly did the same. "Hey dad." He said quietly. I raised an eyebrow apparently the only people that visited him was Russell and now me. "Last time I checked I wasn't Russell." I said. When I started talking his head shot up, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Ember." He breathed putting his hand to the glass. I nodded feeling as self conscious as that day two years ago. "What are you doing here?" He asked sitting back down. I shrugged not knowing myself. "I don't know. Honestly." I said felling the familiar prick behind my eyes. "Have you been crying?" He asked noticing the redness around my eyes. I gave a bitter laugh, "When haven't I been crying?" He looked so heart broken when I said that. Like him causing me pain physically hurt him. A part of me wanted him to feel the hurt I felt but the other half, the stronger half wanted to see him smile, didn't want him to hurt. I wrapped an arm around my middle. "I got your letter." I said looking into his milky chocolate eyes that weren't ringed with eyeliner. "Do you know why I'm in here?" He asked suddenly. I shook my head feeling confused. "I think you should know before you hear about it somewhere else." He said looking down. When he looked back up I nodded at him to continue. When he was finished with his story I was shocked. "What? Your not gonna abandon me like everyone else?" He asked bitterly obviously used to this reaction. "I told you when we started dating I would never abandon you, especially for something like this." I said pushing my bangs out of my eyes. He looked up at me gratefully. "Look Em I'm sorry! I don't know what I was thinking! Hell I wasn't thinking!" He said urgently like he had been trying to get the words out this whole time. I squeezed my eyes shut, I came here hoping for this. For closure but now that it was happening I couldn't bear to hear it. "Stop." I whispered but he just kept on talking. "STOP!" I shouted. "YOU DONT GET TO SAY YOUR SORRY! NOT NOW! YOU DONT GET TO GROVEL AT MY FEET ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS! YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK TO TAKE ME BACK BECAUSE YOU FUCKED SOME WHORE BEHIND MY BACK! You were my everything Ronnie, you were my first date, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first EVERYTHING! And you threw that away." I said tears rushing down my cheeks. I stood up pushing the red bottom before turning around and walking out of the room leaving Ronnie staring at me shocked. When I got in the hall way I broke down. I just let out all the anguish and depression inside me from just one visit. After what felt like hours I finally calmed down and made my way to my car ignoring the sympathetic look I got from the receptionist.

AUTHORS NOTE: So here's my new story! What do you guys think? I know a lot if the stuff in here about ETF and eventually FIR will be false but that's why it's called fiction. And I'm going to have the new FIR in here so it's gonna have Ronnie, Ron, Jacky, Derek, and Ryan. Not Mika or Nason. Sorry. Well hope you enjoy!:)