There Isn't A Diagnosis For My Problems

Chapter One

I walk in and take my usual seat closest to the door.

So how have you been lately?

Fine. I never respond differently to her questions. They annoy me. She doesn't actually care. She is just getting paid to act like she does. She twirls a pen in her left hand while reading something off of the notepad in front of her.

Well that's not what your mother has told me. She called me again to tell me you were cutting again and that they looked much deeper. She lifts her head from the paper to look at me. I dart my eyes towards the ceiling. I don't like eye contact especially when someone talks about that. I bite the inside of my cheek and hope she decides to change the subject.

Is that true? She sounds like a police officer asking someone if they did a crime, even though they have video evidence of them doing it.

Yes. I looked down at my dirty Sperry's. She didn't say anything for a while but I could hear her pen racing over the page. After about a minute it abruptly stopped causing me to lift my eyes towards hers.

Do you think they are deep? She never asks to see them but always asks me questions like these. I shake my head. They weren't deep. My mother just caught me about an hour after they stopped bleeding. So they were quite red, which was new to her and a normal occurrence for me.

What caused you to do it this time? Just the fact that she added this time made me cringe. I am not sure she likes her job. She only likes her job when my mom is around.

I don't know. She gives me a look of disapproval. I know she wants a different answer. But, I don't have one. I didn't know why I was doing it that last time or anytime I guess. It just makes sense when at the time. It seems like the only option. But it's not an option I hate having to choose. It's a neutral feeling.I definitely don't love it and would rather not have to do it but like I said, it is my only option.

Maybe you should go home and think about it. Ok Hun? Before I could even answer she stood up from her chair and opened the door from her office and I walked over to my mother. She smiled at my mom as we walked out the door.