To Protect and Serve (Chicago PD / Antonio Dawson Fanfic)

Antonio

I hear the front door open and jump to my feet as quickly as possible. It's 11 at night and I haven't seen Arbor since she brought Merch's wife to see him at the hospital.

She looked at me like it was my fault. Arbor thinks it's my fault that Merch is dead even though it's his own fault.

He's the one who jumped in front of me. He took the bullet for me and now he's dead.

"Hey, baby." I sigh when I see that her eyes are red and puffy and rush to the front door to meet her.

She looks up at me with anger still evident in her expression. "Hi." She says shortly.

"It's not my fault that Merch is gone. He stood in front of me and took a bullet for me!" I whisper, pleading that she will understand what happened and why.

"I don't care what happened!" She screams in a sudden outburst of anger. "You let him take that bullet! He's dead because of you!" She pushes past me and goes up the stairs.

I try to follow her but she turns around and stops me. "Don't even think about taking another step towards me." She growls. "I can't even look at you right now."

"Don't say that." I whimper as I feel my heart constrict with fear.

"I just need some time away from you." She snarls, no emotion evident in her eyes or tone. "I'm moving in with Voight."

"So you're just going to pack up and leave again?" I yell as I feel my knees start to weaken.

"I guess I am." She states simply, biting her lip.

"Why?" I cry out, feeling a sob coming up from my throat that I'm able to suppress successfully.

She glares at me, hate evident in her eyes. "April is dead because I was too wrapped up with you to pay attention to detail with Daniel. Now Merch is dead because of you. I'm not losing anyone else because of you!" She screams full force in my face. "I can't keep doing this with you! I'm not going to lose everyone I love for you, Antonio! You're toxic!" She falls silent, her chest rising up and down violently as she catches her breath.

"Fine." I whisper back and turn my back on her, going back down the stairs. "Just get your shit and get out, Arbor." I hiss, throwing my jacket on. "You better not be here when I get back." I turn around and look at her one last time before I walk out the door, slamming it behind me.

I get in my car and drive to Molly's. It's the only place I can think of going right now. I need to go, have a good time and forget about Arbor, even if it's for the night.

I let myself go and cry the whole way there. I can't stop thinking about her words. How I'm the reason that everyone she loves is dead because of me. I can't help but agree with her words to some degree.

And I hate myself for it.

Finally, I get to Molly's and trudge inside. When I get in I see Lacey, Severide, Herman, and Cruz and one table while Kim, Erin and Sylvie Brett are at another table. I decide to walk over to the bar first where my sister is bar tending.

"Hey, Gabs." I put on a smile.

She grins back at me. My sister's smile is so beautiful with her white teeth between dark ruby lips. "Hey, Tonio!" She says, obviously happy to see me. "Where's Arbor?"

 I do my best to not flinch at the question. "She's tired from the day so she's staying in tonight."

"It's not like you to come out without her." Gabby raises an eyebrow.