Alone [ministar]

You deserve someone better

I need to get out. I don't care where I just need to leave this place. I need space to think. Time to be alone. I grab my phone and put a coat on. I slip out the door as I see JJ's car down the road, ducking behind a fence I crouch silently and watch them unlock the door.

"Vikk me and simon are back." He called as soon as he opened the door.

When they walk in and shut the door I run down the road in the direction of the corner shop not knowing where I'm going. What's the purpose of it?

Hands shaking I push open the door and grab a random energy drink off the shelf. After I pay I weakly smile at Dave (another random name he owns the shop) and leave thinking of what to do next. I need to tell someone.

I pull out my phone and start scrolling down my contact list wondering who to call. I can't tell any of the other sidemen about this.

After looking down it about five times I decide to call Lachlan hoping he's awake.

Holding my breath as it rings when he picks up I let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank god." I say into the phone.

"What's up Vikk?" He asked realising right away it was something important, I wouldn't be calling all the way to Australia if it wasn't.

"Everything." I cry down the phone.

"Breath and tell me what's happened."

"Simon." I choke and explain to him everything that's happened since new year.

"Wow. Okay. I knew about the kiss at the party but wow..." He paused as I sniffled down the phone, "Okay Vikk now to fix things. What do you want."

I shrug my shoulders then realise he can't see me so I mutter very quietly, "I don't know."

"Well we know that you don't want what's happening right now right." It was more a statement than a question.

"Yeah." I reply.

"Alright so do you want to go back to just friends?" He asked.

"Well no..." I whisper.

"So you want to get together or something?" He asked and I made a noise indicating a yes, "I take that as a yes. So... What to do... You could tell him."

"No Lachlan." That's the last thing I could do, "I thought you were smarter than that."

"Well what are you going to do?" I stay silent for about a minute when Lachlan replies, "If you have no ideas mine are tell him or stop what your doing with him completely."

"I just don't know Lachlan." I start crying again and wipe my tears on my black hoodie.

"Go home and try to make it as if you wasn't crying."

"What if they ask when I've been?" I asked opening my energy drink taking a proper look at the one I got.

"Tell them you went for a jog or something." Lachlan suggested.

"Thanks and bye."

"No problem and you deserve someone better you know." He said before hanging up leaving me thinking about his last words, I deserve someone better; is their anyone better than Simon?

I take a slow walk back to the sidemen house hoping by the time I get back that the chill in the air would have made the puffiness on my face go down.

I walk up to the door and slowly knock on it regretting forgetting my keys, what if I left before the others came back and they were out for houses. I hear a few shouts about who should go and open the door, after a few seconds of waiting it opens to the worse possible person.

Simon.

"Hey." I mutter, "let me in its getting cold."

"Where were you?" He asked stepping aside so I could walk in.

"I went for a walk."

"Alright are you busy?" He asked.

"Yeah I need to edit." I lie, I have all of tomorrow's videos edited but what's the harm in getting a little ahead.

"Alright then I just wanted to talk to you." He said disappointed making me feel a little guilty.

"Maybe later."

"Sure." He face sank as he walked upstairs me following closely behind.

I just need time to think about what I'm going to do next.

I could tell Simon how I feel and possibly lose a friend.

I could let things continue as they are and repeatedly get hurt but I won't lose my friend and I will be close to Simon.

I could tell Simon I don't want things to carry on as they are and keep Simon as a friend but I won't have any of the benefits. I defiantly won't get hurt if I do this; just lonely.

I would be lying to myself if I said I don't enjoy the times I had with Simon, I would be lying if I said I wanted things to stay the same but Lachlan's words play over in my head.

I deserve someone better.

Is it worth all the pain and sadness I've been put though with Simon. We're not even together and he's already hurting me. What would happen if we did ever start dating?

I stretch back in my chair and decide to quickly edit so I can see what Simon wanted to talk about. Knowing him he's probably just Horny and wants sex. I mean that's what our whole arrangement is about.

It's not as if we did this to speak about ours feelings. Whenever one of us ever needs to get off we just sent a text to the other and they are right over and I don't hate it.

It's just not what I want.

Authors note

Long one also shout out to MoonDuskIndustries for drawing me a amazing cover I'm in love with it. I wish I could draw like you.

Also a huge thank you for 200 votes that's amazing.

I have wanted to get this posted all day so I don't care it's not midnight yet. Maybe if I write a few more chapters I will update again.

Question time now who is your fav YouTuber(s) other than the sidemen or pack?

Hugs, kisses and peace ✌🏻️