Love Is Stupid |✓

|24|

"You weren't cheating on me... You were cheating on yourself. You were tricking yourself into believing that you loved me the way you always have loved him," I slowly said, repeating the most remarkable words that Miles told me the other day to Gary.

He blinked a couple of times, staring at me expectantly with his lips slightly parted. His upper body was leaning against the table, looking like a weirdo who's in for some juicy gossip. "What? That's it?"

I gave him a single, nonchalant nod. His once eager face scrunched up into a disappointed one as he leaned away from the table, his back slumping against the back of his seat. He scoffed, tightening his gray Hermes scarf around his neck before stabbing his salad with his fork.

"Oh, shut up, you dimwit. That was quite dramatic, even for you who's a natural born drama queen," Cassidy said, popping some fries into her mouth.

I let out a tired sigh and look around the busy cafeteria. It was lunchtime already, and to be perfectly honest, I really had no plans of going to school. I was exhausted beyond belief that my head literally hurt every time I moved. I guess, crying for nine hours straight did really take a toll on me.

After Miles' declaration that I was indeed cheating on myself, I only cried harder, with him listening from the other line. When I finally calmed down, he told me how much he was sorry for letting me feel that way, for making me believe that he didn't know that truth, and that he hated me. I said sorry, too. For everything. And most especially, for not giving him the love that he deserved.

After that, the conversation came into a lull pause, where awkwardness reigned. So, Miles being the ever-gentleman, and always the one who ran away from sticky situations, uttered his good luck's and goodbyes. I did the same, too. A little timidly than I ought to do. I guess, being instant friends with your ex, wasn't really as easy as movies depicted it to be. At least, we were off on a good note. We may be not the best of friends, or even friends for that matter, at least we finally found the courage to talk things through. We finally found the courage to let go.

Miles wasn't the best boyfriend. He wasn't perfect and he made mistakes, varying from the simplest ones to the most devastating ones. Mistakes that made me cry a couple of times, and I'm completely sure that I made my own list of wrongs, too. Despite Miles' imperfection, though, he was an amazing boyfriend. Someone I could never forget, even if I wake up with Amnesia.

If only things weren't as complicated as it was... but do uncomplicated love stories really exist? I doubt it. Even my own parents who had been married for nineteen years, underwent a roller coaster kind of a love story. So, how special was I to be of an exception.

Unconsciously, my eyes darted towards where you sat. You were with the jocks and their girlfriends slash cheerleaders, as usual. I had to admit though, the black-tee and ripped jeans really suited you. It made you look ten times more drool-worthy, as I watched you laugh whole-heartedly at whatever Oliver Black whispered to you, I couldn't help, but see how happy you were without me. You could live the rest of your high school as a free man. A teenage boy, doing whatever the hell he wanted, just like it was supposed to be.

Lately, or over the course of one year, I never saw you laugh that way with me. The last time you laughed like that was when we were at the diner, a year ago. Two days before that bright Saturday morning. We were celebrating the A's that were written on our English essays. We both hated essays, and were both undeniably failing the subject. So, we read three books. Two from your shelf and one from mine, since I really didn't read much. Surprisingly though, reading worked. It made our essays "flow-y" and convincing, thus the A.

Now, whenever you were with me, you were always either begging for my forgiveness or frustrated. In fact, I think that you were even happier with Ruby than me. And, I too, myself, had always been a mess whenever I was with you. Maybe, you don't love me anymore, Jason. Maybe, you were just so drunk on the idea that you wanted me, but couldn't have me. In the first place, you wouldn't even tell me that you liked me back then if Miles and I didn't happen, would you?

Would you?

Your eyes suddenly snapped up, your steady gaze landing on mine. You weren't surprised that you caught me staring at you. I didn't look away, I didn't cut the connection that our eyes made. You were looking at me, as if I was the only one in the room. As if I was the only thing that would help you breathe, and get through the day. It was intoxicating, mind-blowing. How even in a distance, your eyes still managed to hold me in place. How you still made my heart dance and thump against my chest.

"So, Phoebe, now that things between you and Miles are clear, what's next?" Cassidy said in an overly-eager and excited voice, snapping me out of the trance you put me in.

I turned my head towards her and frowned. "What do you mean, what's next?"

She shrugged, playing with a lock of her hair. "Would you go out with Jason? Since um, y'know, he's been running after you for a year, now. Yeah, y'know?"

I sighed. I took a swift glance at you then back at Cassidy who was looking at me with great interest before slouching in my seat. "I dunno. Should I?"

Tightly pursing her lips together, she looked at me squarely. "Do you want to?"

Did I want to?

"Yeah..."

She nodded understandingly. "Can you?"

My eyebrows furrowed out of confusion and my lips set in a straight line, trying to understand what she meant.

"I mean, can you really be with him? After everything?" she added, folding her arms over her chest.

I opened my mouth, but closed it again. Taking a deep breath, I twisted in my seat to look at you. You were shoving fries into your mouth, shaking your head at Oliver's antics. There was this bright, cheery glint in your blue eyes. I pursed my lips together, before turning back to my old sitting position. I closed my eyes and sighed, thinking of only two words.

Can I?

Can I really be with you, Jason?