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^ollie's reaction when pippin went missing
because my heart wasn't distressed enough
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Falling in love had never been part of the plan. Meeting Barry Allen had never been part of the plan.
Becoming Barry Allen's bait and letting him get killed had never been part of anything.
Now that Pippin thought about it, she wasn't sure what her plan had been. Maybe it wasn't a plan, maybe it was just her running away. Trying to protect what was hers. Was.
She should've left as soon as Chekov had found her. But she didn't. She wanted to stay and be with the family that she had somehow found.The family she hurt. It should've been her in that fire, burning. Not Barry. Definitely not Barry.
Everything after seeing his body was some type of blur. She remembered screaming, so much screaming. Someone had grabbed her arms, tugging her away from what was left of the man she loved. They returned her to her room, locking the door.
She didn't stop screaming until her throat had given out hours later. The shock had worn off replaced with an anger that made her fists clench until her nails were digging into her skin and making her bleed.
An anger that she couldn't breathe off. It was worse than the one she had felt after they had killed Dimitri.
It started at her toes and raged until it got to her head. All she saw was red as she broke, smashed, threw, and trashed the room until it was a mess of shattered glass, ripped sheets, and smashed wood. Now as she stared at the uprooted bed, the remnants of her lamp in the corner, all she could see was Barry's body, burning.
She fell to her hands and knees, glass cutting at her skin but she didn't care. Nothing mattered but the fact that the one person she had completely opened her heart to was dead and it was all her fault.
The sobs didn't stop until she was half-conscious on the floor, her eyes swollen and body limp. No tears were left.
She managed to pick herself up with shaky arms and even more shaky legs. Her heart felt like it had been ripped out of her body then torn into pieces in front of her which was pretty accurate to what had happened.
She glanced at the broken bedframe and for a second, she saw Barry's body there.It sent a cold shudder down her spine. Instead of lying down there, she pulled the mattress into the corner of the room.
After finding a blanket, she threw herself on her makeshift bed, hearing it creak under her weight. Everything felt so empty and dead as she stared at the ceiling.
But everywhere she looked, there was always the image of his limp body. She closed her eyes, rummaging through her memories until she remembered the first time they'd met.
