a little story

hiking!

"wake up little one, we are here". "i slept the whole ride"? "yep you sure did". he giggled a little as he rubbed slobber off my lip and chin. "haha little cub slept so hard she drooled". i frowned and started to let my eyes water. "that gwoss....", i began crying. "shhhh". he unbuckled me and pulled me out of the car seat, holding me to him and bouncing me gently. "shhh sweetie, its okay. i'm glad you slept so hard, deep sleep is good sleep little one". "but cub gross baby". "that's okay sweetie, all babies are gross sometimes". he kissed my head and cuddled me. "alright, you want the water fall path first or the nature walk path"? "waterfall"! "you sure? you know your going to go potty if we go that way". he winked at me and i stuck my tongue out at him. "no me won't"! "yesh you will silly little baby". 

we started to walk down the path and watched the water fall wash over the rocks, beautiful deep blue-green waters. a man in a kayak flew down the waters and landed hard at the bottom. i waved at him. "we should do that next"! "no no little one", he said chuckling. i wriggled trying to get down but was stopped by a pop to my thigh. "ow". "i'm not letting you down without your baby leash". "put baby leash on cub"? he sat me down on the ground and hooked the baby leash around my waist and secured it. "there, now you can freely walk with in the confines of the leash". "yay"! i walked really close to the edge and watched the river flow and put my hands in the water.  he pulled me back by the leash, "no getting that close to the water sweetie". "hand cold". "yes that's why dean bear had to put a jacket on you, to keep you warm. we are still in winter, you know". "me know". i got up from the ground and walked beside him, putting my hands in my pockets where i had hand warmers. dean makes sure to put those in there so i can warm my whole body on cold days. i looked up at him. every time i think of him, tears form in my eyes. not because of sadness or pain but because of relief and thanking god that he allowed me to have such an amazing man by my side. after everything life has put me through and every piece of my heart it chipped away and burned. i feel like i get that all back, like my past gets washed away every time he holds me. he is my comforter that god gave me. the first person in my life i can run to to be comforted other than my best friends. i pray every single day for his safety and pray every day that god will let me keep him for my entire life. i do not know what i will do without him now. its only been a year but it feels like its been so much longer than that. we are so close. we know each other on such a deep level. we know what faces mean what, what tones of voices mean for one another, even slight things, like if i look up and to the right or if i all of a sudden hush, he knows i'm upset. i'm just SO thankful. so thankful for every day i get with him. he's my rock. my mother always told me, if you can find someone that if all you had was a card board box to live in, you would still be happy, that's love. and with him, i do not even need a box. i would stay with him no matter what. through anything. i'm losing the fear that he will just up and leave me, which is huge for me because very guy i have ever liked in the past always left me without even telling me why. i think its because i fully trust him now. i knew from day one he was different. that he was better than any guy i have ever met before. as tears of happiness continue to roll through my eyes and on my face i continue to think. he's the only person i can be emotional with, and pour all my love into and he just says, thank you. no saying that he doesn't feel the same or anything like that and he actually tell me to my face that he loves me with all his heart. that he cares deeply about me. he even worries about me, which no one does but him. "whats wrong"? he asks as he sees my red eyes and runny nose and tear drenched face. i smile at him then hug against him tightly. "absolutely nothing is wrong". he seems confused but i do not care. all that matters to me is that he automatically wraps his arms around me and pets my hair then gently kisses the tears away on my cheeks. his love and affection is all i need. if i have that, my world will always be right. we got to the end of the path and found a lush green pasture with flowers all over it. "guess this is where we will have lunch then little one"? i nodded quickly, "yes yes". i smiled big and bounced a little. "calm down before you have an accident". he kissed my forehead and patted my butt. "fine me be calm on one condition"! "okay what is it". "we have to play games after lunch". "deal, and i get a calm cub for the rest of the evening". "deal". we put out both our pinkies and interlocked them. "double pinky swear promise", we both said at the same time. that was how we shook on any deal. we trekked back to the car and took our lunch bags. mine was a pink hello kitty one and his was an ugly adult one. we walked back to the pasture and found a good place to spread our blanket. we sat down on the beautiful quilted fabric, feeling the sun starting to shine. i made a move to pull off my jacket and had it pulled back on and zipped by dean. "no, its a trick. you feel warmth, but put your hands out". i pulled my hand out of my jacket and immediately regretted it. i cringed and slid it back in my pocket. "see? still cold. just because the suns out here does not mean its warm like it did where you used to live". "grr". "oy, what did we say about growling. its not nice". "me know", i said sarcastically with a roll of my eyes. i got glared at by dean so hard. "anna...". uh oh, i know that tone of voice. "no no, no say name like that, make tummy feel weird". "good, means tummy knows your in hot water". i giggle loudly, "no we are not, we are outside in the cold". he yanked me over his lap and gave me five good pops on my butt. "owwwie". "well you know better than to misbehave after i use that tone with you missy". he pulled me into his lap and cuddled me gently. "now, are you going to eat like a normal person or am i going to have to feed you"? i opened up my lunch box, not knowing what dean packed and then crinkled my nose. "eww healthy stuff". "yes healthy stuff". "cub no want". "well cubs going to eat it regardless". "nuh uh", i covered my my mouth with my hands. he pulled the broccoli out. "you also get some unhealthy stuff". i got a little excited then saw that he meant i had a hamburger to eat. "pfft, cub thought you meant candy". i took the wrapped up burger and got my hand popped. "broccoli first, you know that". "ugh". "ugh", he mimicked me. he pulled my fork from the bag and opened the container of broccoli, stabbing one with the fork and gently blowing on it. "now open", he said with the broccoli next to my mouth. i hesitated and whimpered. "please cub". i opened my mouth wide and ate the broccoli. "nom nom", i said as i swallowed. "yes, now open back up", he said as the broccoli airplane was hovering in front of my mouth. i opened again and ate the broccoli. "me no want no more". "well your going to eat more, you need your veggies". i frowned and pushed the bowl away. "nooo you only make me eat a couple pieces". "Well your doctor said you need more veggies in your diet. so you need to eat the whole container". "but that's like ten pieces"! he shoved a piece of broccoli in my mouth  while i was ranting and i ate it grudgingly. we continued until all the broccoli was gone. "now your done and you can have your burger". i took my burger and sat with it in my lap, not touching it. "cub come on, did i upset you that much"? i smiled and handed him the burger then opened my mouth. "oh, that's it huh? you want to be babied more", he smiled and kissed my cheek as he slowly brought the burger to my mouth and i took a small bite out of it, what i consider a huge bite. "good little one", he said as he ruffled my hair and watched me chew. "you need juice"? i nodded and reached for my sippy cup. he grabbed it and handed it to me. "there, and if you run out, i packed some small bottles of juice to refill it with". i drank greedily, not realizing how thirsty i was. "burger bite now cub", waving the burger in front of me. i put my sippy cup down and took another bite. "good girl". before i knew it the burger was gone and i watched dean eat his food. "cub quit staring so hard, your burning a hole in my head". i giggled and laid down on the blanket yawning. "uh oh, looks like its time to go home". i shook my head no. "cub, who is driving"? "daddy". "who is the rule maker"? "daddy". "and who does cub have to listen to"? "daddy". "then when i say its time to go home, its time to go home. i can tell your very sleepy now". "all me need is a nap nap". "no, home then you can nap nap. besides we have seen all we need to see for today". "okays", i yawned again and laid my head in his lap. he sat me up and stood up gathering all the stuff and stuffing it into a big bag. he put the bag on his back like a back pack and picked me up, carrying me all the way back to the car, i was already half asleep when he slid me into my car seat. "sleep tight little one". he kissed my fore head and buckled me in, taking off my extra clothes and wrapping me in a blanket. he got in on the drivers side and sat all the stuff in the passengers seat. i fell asleep before i could even say goodbye to the waterfall.