Shattered Soul (ON HOLD INDEFINITELY ) SORRY EVERYONE!

Chapter 2 ~Sophia D'Ambrosio~

                                                                      

~ Chapter 2 ~

~ Sophia ~

   I am in my bed trying to calm myself, I have just woken up & it is now dark outside, I am trying to go back to sleep. My stomach is in knots, I know he will be coming for me. There is no place for me to hide from what is in store for me. I am locked in my room again, The Windows are nailed shut, they open about 6 inches only just enough to let fresh air in. I look around; sighing there is  no escaping the torment coming for me. No one to stop it! My mom has gone out again (not as if she would stop it anyway). She beats me if I refuse to go with him. I try to keep from having to go with him by hiding in my special place in the basement. No one knows it is there or it is where I go to be free from the beatings, pain, & torture I experience daily from at least one person, sometimes more. I am tormented at school, at home, outside playing; I am not safe any where. I wish I would just become part of the darkness never to be seen by anyone ever again. I am laying here waiting listening to those idiots my mother must have entrusted my sister brother and my safety to. I cannot help but to think of how different things are for us now that my dad is not here anymore. My mom and dad have been divorced now for about 1 year and I have not seen or talked to my dad in about 11 months. My mom has a boyfriend now, His name is Pete. He is an alcoholic! When he drinks he is even meaner then he is normally. He beats my mom up a lot. He doesn’t like my brother , sister and I , He makes it obvious and doesn’t try to hide how much he wishes my brother, sister and I  would just disappear. It is because of him we are now locked in our rooms with the windows nailed like animals in a cage. It is because of him my mom has become a very different woman. We are more of a burden on her then loved and cared for children she gave birth to. For some reason she is hardest on me, I get the brunt of her anger. I am the oldest of the three of us. My sister is the middle and my brother is the baby. My mom is rarely mean to them, beats, or punishes them. It is saved for me. Pete really does not like the relationship my mom has with my brother and beats him any chance he can get. He makes up reasons to beat him. My mom allows it though. I do not understand why. Pete has no right to ever touch my brother. That is just another way mom has changed. When we were with my dad and a family mom was a very different woman. She treated us with kindness, love, compassion everything a mom is supposed to give her children. She would never ever allow anyone to beat us, lock us up like animals, or ever put her hands on us. Unlike now we  well I am beaten with wooden spoons, spatulas, whipping sticks, belts  what ever she can get her hands on to cause the most pain. She does not care where we are or who is there to see it. She will pull my pants down and start beating me on the spot without thinking twice. Leaving bloody black and blue welts all over me is of no concern to her. The more the better I think in her eyes I deserve each one of them.

   My latest beating came earlier today. (Probably the worst I have gotten so far) Pete’s father had given me some pennies to go buy some penny candy. I was about to walk to the store and dropped the pennies on the sidewalk. My mother was on the porch talking to the animal and saw me picking them up. She said I stole them grabbed me by my hair made me finish picking them up and give them to her. Crying I told my mom I did not steal them, Poppa gave them to me. She dragged me onto the porch by my hair saying I would learn what happens to thieves. Glaring at me, she told me to go into the house and get her the chair and wooden spatula. I began sobbing and begging for her to listen to me. Mom please I did not steal please goo ask Pete’s dad. He gave them to me Mom I swear I did not steal. Everyone in the neighborhood was outside, that animal that tormented me everyday was sitting there on the railing looking like he had just won the lottery. He stared at me with lust-filled eyes. Mom would not listen to me. She made me go and bring her the chair and spatula... She had been using the wooden spoon up until the other day. She had broken it on my hand when I foolishly put my hands in the way trying to shield my bare bottom from another lashing. The pain and stinging had become unbearable. Just as I put my hands over my bum, she came down the hardest yet. The spoon shattered and the pain in my hand exploded. She had broken the veins in my hand. She told me that is what I get for putting my hands in the way. That stupid move got me another 10 whacks with the spatula. I return with the chair and spatula handing it to my mom. I try one more time to convince my mom to believe me. I am still so raw and bruised from my last beating. You know he is taking a nap and I cannot ask him. Pull your pants down and bend over the chair now. Mom pleases nooooo. She glares at me NOW I said. In defeat I do as I am told, I pull my pants down and start to bend over the chair when she says NO your underpants too. I look at her in horror the sobs are uncontrollable now; I begin shamelessly begging and pleading again. Mom NO Please does not…I refuse to do as I am told. That animal is sitting there barely able to contain his excitement. Lust has completely consumed his face now. My mother rips my underpants down to my ankles and bends me over the chair. That animal moves himself to have a better view of my private areas. I cannot deal with what is happening, I need to escape somehow. I let me mind take me somewhere else. It is totally black I cannot hear or see anything. I feel each whack of the spatula. I cannot move I am frozen in place. God Please just takes me. Please let me die. Please I will gladly go to hell. It has to be better then the life I am living right now. There is no possible way it is worse. I hear my mother swear just as I feel the spatula break across my backside. You are god damn lucky I do not have another one. Get the fuck up pull your pants up and get in your fucking room. Do not think of coming out of it. Do you understand me? I stand trying to get my underpants back up I look to see him smiling at me and looking as if he wanted to eat me for dinner. I know the next time he gets me alone, it is going to be far worse for me, and then it has been so far. He is not going to control himself anymore. I am pulling my underpants the rest of the way up the pain is excruciating. This is by far the worst beating I have ever gotten. I feel my back stinging as well as my bottom, I now feel something warm running down my legs, confused I wonder if I wet my pants. I do not remember wetting myself or even having to go. I look into my mom’s angry eyes as she is saying do not even think of getting into that bed like that. Go clean yourself up in the bathroom and throw those bloody cloths in the trash. I look at her in horror did she just say bloody cloths? I nod and rush into the house grabbing my nightgown and go into the washroom. I take off my pants and underpants shocked at all the blood I see on them. I am shocked by the amount of blood it is everywhere. It is still streaming down my legs and I begin to panic as I see my blood drip onto the floor. OMG she will kill me. I look frantically for something to clean it and myself up with. I use the cloths I just took off; they are going in the trash anyway right so I will not get in any more trouble. I am standing there not sure, how I am supposed to stop myself from bleeding. The washroom door starts opening, expecting to see my mom I look up. To my horror, it is he. I tremble uncontrollably backing myself farther into the washroom, he smirks at me. Do you need some help? I stutter saying nnnoooo I can do it myself. He starts coming towards me and I can hear my mother’s footsteps coming closer. He does too and angrily backs out closing the door but not before he says, I will be seeing you later Sophia. Be a good girl now. As the door closes, I crumple to the floor unable to hold myself up any longer. I cannot stop the tears that begin streaming down my face and the crushing pain I feel in my chest threatens to shatter me into a million pieces. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the door beginning to open again. My breath catches in my chest and I feel like I cannot breathe. I begin to panic!! Oh my god please no… please don’t let it be him!! I am cowered in the corner trembling violently when I see my mother’s face appear in the doorway. I thought I told you to be cleaned up and get into your room. I gather myself, wipe my face, and stand up. You did mom, I'm sorry I was cleaning up. I pull my nightgown on; gather my bloody cloths from the floor and go to throw them away. As I walk past my mom, she looks at me with a look in her eyes I have not seen in a very long time. She looks concerned, regretful & sad. Just as quickly as it appeared it's gone making me wonder if I just imagined it. I hear her say I just went to return the pennies to Poppa. He told me he gave them to you, he did not want them back. He wants you to buy yourself some candy. I put them on your dresser. I look at her stunned,as she says let that be a lesson to you. Now you know what will happen if you ever steal anything from anyone. I am in total shock. I say I told you… Why didn’t you believe me? (Oops) big mistake, She glares at me her hands clenched into fists, what did you just say to me? Oh, no I am going to get it again. Nothing Mom I am sorry I did not mean to talk back. I know what will happen if I ever steal. She tells me to get out of her sight before she changes her mind about letting that go. As quickly as I am able to move I go throw my cloths into the bin and head to my room. She comes up behind me as I am entering my room and I think she is going to hit me again and duck out of the way, almost falling over, and smashing my head into the corner of the dresser. She looks at me and says Lay on your tummy I do not want you bleeding all over the sheets and blankets. I not and glance at the back of my nightgown. The blood has begun to seep through.  I sign crawl into my bed belly first and lay my head on the pillow. I finally hear the door lock and I cannot hold myself together any longer; I break into a million pieces! I cry and cry until I am finally exhausted and let the darkness take me.