"No one's perfect, hun." he told her
"I know,' the little girl said, 'but I want to be the closest thing to it."
"And what's that?"
"Skinny."
Chapter 1
"I don't think that I can make it through another day," I write those words in my journal then close it and put it away. I walk over to my closet trying to decide what to wear. The short sleeve shirt was out, my cuts are healing up but they are still pretty noticeable. Skinny jeans aren't an option; I am way too fat to look good in them. I finally end up choosing the same outfit I wear practically every other day of the year, my hoodie and sweats. I pull on my tennis and slip a few Bring Me the Horizon and All Time Low bracelets up my arms. I head into the bathroom. Gazing into the mirror I decide to wear a little mascara today. I brush it on, after carefully dabbing concealer on my cuts and the circles under my eyes. I am so fat and ugly; no wonder everyone hates me I think. I flip off the light and run down the stairs then up and down once more, I've got to burn some calories.
"Honey! I made your favorite! Strawberry topped waffles." My mom calls.
"I'll eat them on the way" I say, slipping them into a plastic container as I run out the door. The bus comes at 7:30 and I'm freezing by the time it arrives. It's good for you, I tell myself, and you need to lose some weight. As I climb on the bus a couple of guys sitting in the front hoot and holler
"Ooh look, here's fatty Jamee and her carb loaded breakfast!" They laugh as if it's the funniest thing as I walk by. I find a seat in the back, by myself. The girls sitting around me comment on my clothes.
"God Jamee, don't you have anything but your slum outfit, you look like a boy so I guess its ok you're a little overweight and ugly." I push in my ear buds trying to block them out, it's the same every day, I should be used to it by now but it still hurts, I don't feel pain anymore though, I'm numb. The ride goes surprisingly fast and my rumbling stomach starts complaining again as soon as I step off the bus and smell the leftovers of food from the breakfast they have for the homeless kids every morning. I push onward ignoring it. I deposit my backpack in my locker and grab the few books I need for my first class. Algebra, I've given up trying, not like it's worth it, I'm so ugly no one will ever hire me anyway. I still have to look studious though or Mr. Davies will get mad, he hates slackers. I slide into my desk chair, I always sit in the back, and I like it better back there. I scroll through Facebook on my phone before class starts. I have 4 messages. I start to smile; maybe one of my friends from my old school has finally messaged me back. I check them, it's just some hate from some of the girls in my class telling me to go die, ok, and I'm already planning on it. Lunch comes not a moment too soon. I race to the girl's bathroom and sit in a stall. I cut one, two, three lines across my stomach, the pain starts to fade and I stand up. I take my lunch, the waffles, and flush them down the toilet, one step closer to being skinny. I walk out of the stall and go outside and sit under one of the pillars waiting for lunch to end. My phone buzzes and it's a text from my friend Marie asking if I want to hang out after school, I answer yes and she texts back
"Good, McDonalds 3:30" I groan,
"God, why did I have to say yes, I should have known there would be food involved."
"It's ok," the voice says, "you can just get a lean meal and then purge it."
"Ok," I say, "That's a good idea." After school I head to McDonalds, Marie is there, smiling and as bubbly as ever. She orders a double mac and a large chocolate shake while I just get a diet coke and a salad, hold the dressing. As were sitting down eating she remarks on how thin I'm getting, I know she's lying because I'm not even close to being skinny.
"So Jamee," she says, "the reason I wanted us to meet up was because I have some really awesome news but I wanted to tell you in person."
"You're pregnant!" I blurted, she laughed.
"No silly! I got tickets to a Demi Lovato concert and I want you to come along! How cool is that!?" I sit there stunned and then I just get up and start screaming,
"OMG! Ahhhh!" As I sit back down I'm crying and I don't even care that everyone around me is staring. Demi means the world to me, I feel like she's the only one who understands. I get up and give Marie a big hug, "Thank you so, so much!" I say, "You don't know how much this means." Marie laughs,
"Oh but I do," she says, and hugs me back.
