Despondency

Let The Love Remain

Song: Golden Days - Panic! At the Disco

Waking up with Brad reminded me of old times. Honestly nothing had changed. He still clung on to me like a little kid did to it's mother. I don't know what made him like this, but I didn't mind at all. His weight kept me down to earth, and his warmth heated me up when I felt cold. I didn't want to wake him up so I wiggled out of bed and tiptoed to the balcony. The sun hit my face, warming it up and I closed my eyes savouring the moment. I listened to the sound of birds and the sound of waves crashing against rocks. I could really get used to this. Not the loud noise from the city, but the light breeze in the trees around me. "It's amazing isn't?", Brad asked behind me making me jump slightly. I thought he was still asleep. "Sorry, did I wake you up?", I asked turning around to face him. He was still only wearing his underwear, his hair was messy from turning and tossing all night and his cheeks were slightly red from the warmth. Probably coming from my body. "No, it's okay". He isn't that talkative right now. "Oh". There was an awkward silence where we just stared at each other before I decided to turn around again. "How did you find this place?", I asked after a while throwing my arms out to the sides, to gesture the apartment and just this city basically. "It's where I was at my first concert. Or a concert where I didn't have the permission of my parents. They only allowed me to listen to classical music for a period. One time I kind of just ran away for a day. I had been wanting to go to this concert for ages, but couldn't. When I got the chance I took it", he placed himself next to me and took in a deep breath before continuing. "Bournemouth helped me escaping something I didn't realize I had to escape. I thought what I went through was normal in any other family. When I got here, I realized it was all wrong. I was the outsider. Back then I didn't have tattoos, didn't drink, didn't smoke and laid all my trust in adults. They were older and therefore wiser. That was what I believed since my parents told me. But when I got here, I realized that I had been indoctrinated. That there were so many different kinds of ways to live your life. Not just by getting beaten up or yelled at". Wow. This was really deep stuff. Maybe a bit too deep for the morning. But at least he's talking. Maybe he's more honest in the morning since he's too tired to put up a façade? If that is the case, I will call him every morning to ask him questions. Maybe he'll be more honest? "So you chose this place, because it saved your life?", I asked turning to my side so I was watching him looking down at the beach where an elderly couple were walking along the shore. "Basically, yeah". He glanced at me sideways and a light blush crept on my cheeks. I didn't know that this place meant so much for him. Everything Brad does have a deeper meaning. Something you can't just guess. I can imagine Brad in his finest clothes accompanying his parents to some event he really didn't want to go to. He would be guy who stood in the corner not feeling like he fit in. I never want Brad to feel like that. Smoking and drinking is a terrible path to go, but I imagine that it represented freedom in his eyes. No rules he could break, therefore no punishment. His intentions were right, he just didn't have anyone to guide him through it. I wish I had been there to help him. "What are you thinking about", Brad asked taking my hand. Why did he always have to know what I'm thinking? "You without a tattoo and no posters on your wall", I whispered looking down at our hands. His hands were big compared to mine. But then again a lot of guys had big hands. "what do you want to do today? It's a great day", he said lifting my hands to his lips ignoring my answer. It was for the best. "a day at the beach?", I suggested. "Okay". He nodded and left as he wanted to go and buy some breakfast somewhere while I changed into my bikini. It was weird. When I knew all of the others were coming to the beach I didn't want to show myself in a bikini, but when it's just Brad I feel more comfortable doing so. Is that his fault? Does he make me more confident? As I sat down on the bed the biggest smile ever formed on my lips. Yes, this is definitely Brad's fault. Everything just felt better here. I didn't have to sneak out of the house just to avoid dad, I didn't have to worry about Jacob all the time and I didn't have to visit the hospital and go visit mom. All of those things are scary to me. Here it's just Brad and I. I don't have to worry about what other people think of me, or be scared to lose my friends. It was just him, and he rarely judged me.