Despondency

It's Better To Burn Than To Fade Away

Hi guys I'm back! Welcome to my new book called 'Despondency'! It's the sequel to Walking Travesty so if you haven't read that yet GO CHECK IT OUT! If not it will be pretty hard to read this one.

Before you go on and read I would like to explain the cover. It's actually a 100 percent original! I asked my friend Clara if she wanted to model for my book and she agreed so it's actually one of my best friends on the cover! So shoutout to Clara for being amazing. Maybe that's why the main Characters name is Clara XD So to be honest I'm very proud of the book cover :O

I really hope you're gonna like this book, I'm really trying my hardest to make this good XD It may be slow updates since 1. It's almost New Years where I'm having a party and 2. I only have like a couple of months till my very final exams on my school! A lot is going to happen, like, we have two weeks where we have to make a project and a presentation on like 50 minutes, which means a lot of studying and then of course the exams. But I'm going to do my very best. Just not that fast XD

I'm going to write the name of the song for every chapter (The title of the chapter) so if you guys care and want to you can listen to the song! The songs on here really means a lot to me so it would be great. In Walking Travesty a few people told me they started to listen to All Time Low because of the book and that is freaking awesome! So thanks if you're one of those persons who actually cares XD

But yeah, just enjoy and PLEASE comment and vote for this book. Again it gives me confidence to carry on and I just love to get to know you guys better. And I read your comments more than once trust me xx

Song: 'Nicotine' by Panic! At The Disco

(Also I added youtube videos of the different songs so you can listen to it while reading!) 

I walked down the long white halls trying to listen to the other people in the room. They talked but not loud enough for me to hear. It was only quiet whispers to their companion or family. I was here all alone. Sometimes I felt the walls moving closer and closer and it ended up with me falling to the floor having a hard time breathing. I didn't have anyone I could share this with. Scar was always hanging around Connors and Maggie was always with James. Lately Maggie and I had become closer and Nina also. I still couldn't share my deepest secret though. I don't know if I will ever be ready to share that one piece of information. "Are you okay miss?". I looked to my side where a woman was standing gripping my arm loosely. I didn't realise that I had stopped walking. Her worried eyes scanned me up and down to make sure that I didn't have any injuries or if I hit my head on something. "Yes, I'm fine". I was breathing heavily and my sight was a bit blurry but I think I could manage. "Where are you going?", she asked in a softer tone than before. It was pure sympathy I think. It made me want to throw up. "Room 201". She followed me all the way down the hall and then to the left. "It's just on the door to the right". I nodded and thanked her before she turned around and walked the same way back. I took a few steps forward and stood in front of room 201. I had avoided this room for so long but I just had to do it. If I didn't then it would be too late. Maybe that was why I didn't have the guts. I didn't want it to be too late. I sighed loudly before slowly turning the doorknob. The room was dark and small but somehow I didn't mind. That was what my room looked like lately. Small, packed and unbelievably dark and messy. I hated it, but then again I didn't have the energy to do something about it. When Scar Maggie and Nina asked to hang out I just said we should be at Scar's place or that my dad was home working, or he was ill. I kept making excuses.

I sat down on the empty chair next to the bed that dominated the room. It was just like in my nightmares. White clean walls, grey linoleum floors, a white bed and a little figure laying in it attached to a variation of wires. It was like taken out from all of my nightmares but somehow I wasn't scared. Every day in my mind I had thought of it being much worse than this. Even the smell was so accurate that I could choke in it. I didn't turn on the lights as I was scared that she woke up. I just sat there quietly waiting for her to wake up herself or turn. Just for her to do something else than just lay there all quiet and cold. Her cheekbones were more defined than before and her arms and fingers were skinny and a bit blue from the missing blood circulation. I wanted to take her hand but I was too afraid. Too afraid that if she opens her eyes they will stare at me blankly. Or that she won't open her eyes at all. Maybe for now I should see her when she doesn't know I'm here? Will I be able to handle that? No. That's a stupid idea. I slowly took her hand in mine and I almost winced at the cold. Trying to get a bit of warmth in her before I had to leave I kissed her hand gently. I slung my bag over my shoulder and made my way out of the door and out of the hospital in an instant. I couldn't really stand to be there in a longer amount of time. It hurts to see someone you love like this. It hurts to see that your mother doesn't look the same as she used to. She doesn't look like your mother.