The Fragility of Hope (Mavi)

Chapter 19

"I'm sorry I threw you under the spotlight like that," Avi continued, completely disregarding Mitch. "It was a dick move. And I'm sorry for not telling you what I really felt sooner."

He felt empty when Mitch slid his hand away from Avi's and rubbed his palms against his denim clothed knees. "Oh, man. The doctor told me to stay really far away from this subject."

Avi wrinkled his nose because what did doctors know, really? "What do doctors know?"

Mitch giggled a little bit and the sound was like wind chimes against his ears. "Absolutely nothing."

"Right," he agreed. "So can we just like... talk about it?"

Mitch sighed and squeezed his eyes shut tight, but nodded hastily. "You're not gonna like what I have to say."

Avi inhaled deeply and mentally prepared himself. "I can handle it." He'd been through hell within the last few weeks -- in a situation like this, there wasn't much Mitch could say that would harm him.

"I just..." He trailed off, twining his fingers together. "I never wanted to lead you on."

Avi quirked an eyebrow but didn't say anything, because he expected that Mitch was going to keep going anyway.

"I had this whole speech planned out, but it seems dumb now," he said with a tired smile. "I can't just force feelings, Avi. I-I don't feel the same way, and there's not much I can do about that."

He felt his heart crack, but let Mitch continue.

"And I'm not saying that I don't like you like that," he said with a blush. "I do. I really do. You're a fantastic guy with a great personality, and you're really good looking, you know how to make me blush, and boy can you fuck." Mitch bit his lip jokingly and despite everything, Avi laughed. 

"But it's not the same," he went on. "It's not the same way you like me. You... You put me on this pedestal, like I'm some perfect human being or something. And I'm not, Avi. I'm really, really not."

Well. Avi would beg to differ, but he kept his mouth shut.

"I'm just... I'm a human too, Avi. I have emotions, and a lot of insecurities, and flaws and imperfections and I am by no means this perfect human being you created in your mind." He finally looked at Avi and the tear in his eye twinkled under the fluorescent light. "I have a lot of baggage you don't know about, and I'm nowhere near ready for another relationship."

"Well, you can't have more baggage than me," Avi said with a straight face as he gestured to the IV in his forearm, but couldn't hold back a grin when he heard Mitch's crystal giggle. It'd been so long since he'd joked around without faking it that he felt a bit of something alive inside.

"That is very true," Mitch agreed with a smile.

They smiled at each other for a little bit and it didn't feel weird at all when Mitch snaked his fingers through Avi's and squeezed gently, obviously serious again. "I want to be here for you, Avi, okay? I'm not going lead you on, but I'm not going to leave you, either. Is that okay?"

He nodded and squeezed Mitch's hand as his response, no matter how much it hurt him inside. He could heal, right?

"I'm not saying that we can't ever be a thing," Mitch mumbled with a blush. "Just... not until you realize that I'm not perfect."