BaekHan: Top or Bottom [editing]

47

This chapter is dedicated to lizadrienne . Thank you for appreciating my story and teaching me to value this piece of crap like how I used to call it before. Huehue. Sana nandito ka parin at umabot ka sa point na to. Komawo. Saranghae. Harthart.

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Baekhyun

"May sakit ka?"

He nodded. "I'm undergoing psychiatric treatment."

"Ano?"

"I never had time to tell you. May borderline personality disorder ako Baek."

It's not something physical. It's deeper, it's more painful. "Joy is my nurse and my cousin. She's helping me to control myself." Tears. Tears are pouring out his orbs. That's why... he can't control himself. Emotions control him. It dictates his actions. "That's why... that night."

"I'm so sorry! Sorry! Please stay for a while Baek. Please stay." Tumango ako saka humiga sa tabi nya. Seeing him like this, makes my heart ache.

-

Masarap makulong ulit sa bisig nya, nang hindi sya galit, nang hindi sya lasing.. parang katulad lang ng dati. Pero parang may hindi tama, parang may kulang, parang mali.

"Sorry Baek, if you have to spend your day here. Alam ko namang ayaw mo sa ospital."

"Okay ka na ba?" Tumango sya, tatayo na sana ko ng hawakan nya ko ng mahigpit. "Sorry."

"Ano bang sinasabi mo? Ako ang may kasalanan ng lahat ng to Chanyeol."

Hinawi nya yung buhok ko, nailang naman ako dahil don kaya medyo lumayo ako sakanya. May hindi tama... may mali.

"Wag."

"Alam kong hindi tamang sinaktan kita, at hindi tamang ginawa ko to sa sarili ko. Masyado lang talagang malaki yung nagawa kong kasalanan sayo. I thought, maybe ending my life will be the best for everybody. Masaya ka na kasama sya. Dapat naintindihan ko yon. So I came up with an idea, a very absurd idea. Sorry Baek. I should have let you go. Dapat hindi ko na pinilit ang sarili ko sayo."

Umiling ako.

"Pinaramdam mo sakin kung gaano mo 'ko kamahal Yeol, hanggang ngayon. Kahit ako nagtataka parin kung pano nangyaring naging si Luhan. Minsan naisip ko din, pano kung ikaw yon, magiging ayos ba lahat? Wala bang masasaktan ng ganto?"

Si Luhan... I feel something tugs inside my heart.

"Baek, wala na ba talagang pag-asa? Hindi na ba talaga babalik sa dati lahat?" Kinuha ko yung kaliwang kamay nya at ipinatong yon sa tyan ko, ang kanan naman ipinatong ko sa dibdib nya.

"May future pa para sa dalawang to Yeol, at hindi natin parehas kayang ibigay yon ng magkasama."

Nagulat ako ng bigla nya kong kabigin para halikan sa noo. "I understand. I'm sorry. You're free Baek. Please... give him the future he needed."

"He? Pano pag she?"

Tinignan nya ko ng masama kaya natawa ako. "Joke. Salamat Yeol. Please, free yourself too. Thank you, for letting me go."

Magiging maayos na lahat.

Sana...

"Nauuhaw ako." Bulong nya. Tumayo naman ako para kumuha ng tubig pero wala nang laman yung pitsel.