Petal

Eighteen

sorry for the absence of my writing !! enjoy !

I was beginning to believe there was nothing I could do to win Gerard over.

I didn't go to work, even though I was recovered and had been for a week.
I was so tired.
Tired of everything.
The wait, the drugs, the pain, everything.
All I wanted was to be with him, but I couldn't have that.
The world wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me.
I stayed in my bed for about two week afterwards, not showering, eating little and just drinking water.
I felt guilty for everything.
Even then, as I laid in that depressing hole I call my bed, I felt guilty for not making sure he was eating and sleeping.
I was sure Lynz made him his food. All I could do was hope and talk to her about it.
She would tell me he constantly looked lonely and nervous.
Everything hurt.
I just wanted to take his hand and tell him how much he meant to me but I couldn't even if I tried.
He wasn't mine anymore.
He was gone.

-

When I did pull myself out of my bed it was to go to the bathroom or eat.
I didn't kiss him on the forehead every morning anymore.
I never saw him anymore. I don't think he wanted to see me. What am I kidding, of course he didn't.

It was one of those times when I was getting up to eat something, but this time I saw him. He was standing by the railing, staring ahead at the big windows, at the forest. I tried to stay calm, walking past him quietly.
I went down the steps and in to the kitchen. I grabbed a loaf of bread, beginning to cut it. I had enough before I accidentally dropped my cup of water on the floor. Luckily it landed on the fluffy rug so it didn't shatter.
I picked the cup up, placing it in to the sink before grabbing the rug, throwing it in the nearby laundry room. I was planning to walk right back and wipe it down but when i turned the corner, walking a few steps before I realized Gerard was about to step on the slippery floor.
"Be careful!" I choked out as I reached out for him. He made a screech and I grabbed his wrist, ending up slipping on the puddle as well. I moved my hand under his head so he didn't hit it on the hard floor, falling on top of him.
I never thought this would be how I got in to this position with him first.
I leaned back up slightly and we both sort of froze, staring in to each others eyes.
I was straddling him.
My heart started thumping and for the first time since highschool, I blushed.
His shirt rode up, showing his tummy, and to the side on his shoulder, showing his collar bone. his sweatpants were baggy on his hips, showing a peak of his boxers and his chiseled hips.
We stared in to each other's eyes, his fluttering, before I pulled off of him.
"S-sorry" i muttered.
After we cleaned up we sat down, Gee cross from me on a stool, me leaning on the counter.
Just like that night I found him on the bathroom floor.
"Frank, I-um.. I'm sorry" He whispered.
"You're sorry?" I said softly.
"I-I know you kidnapped me, b-but I was- I was dying on the inside anyway.. I- I think you knew that. I'm- I'm just so scared" he rambled out, his hands trembling.
"Gee.." I grabbed his hand.
"I'm sorry, is this okay?" He nodded, staring down at my hand on his as tears fell down his cheeks.
"There's a reason why I took you. Gerard, I- the reason- you're already scared. I don't want to frighten you more." He looked up at me, his lips parting.
"Wh-what?" He whispered.
-
Gerards POV:
"I-I know you kidnapped me, b-but I was- I was dying on the inside anyway.. I- I think you knew that. I'm- I'm just so scared" I am so scared. I'm terrified. I wanted to go home. I wanted to snuggle in my own comforter and I wanted to know there was still a chance I could see Mikey, my brother.
I thought of what happened before I said that. I thought of the way he just..stared down at me, holding my wrist in his fist still.
Frank was intimidating. He scared me, yes, but in.. In..the best way possible.
The way he looked at me made my heart flutter. After we got up he grabbed my arms and checked for bruises. We sat across from each other, me in the stool. It reminded me of that night.
That night, where he found me on the bathroom floor. I remember breaking down completely, and I remember blood.
"Well, you know I have that business.." I snapped out of the thought, nodding. He mentioned it, that's where he's always suppose to be gone to.
"I-I'm very dangerous. I'm wanted. You need to understand that there are men from other gangs that could be stalking me, and if they ever saw I took an interest in someone as fragile as you, they would take you, and they would hold you hostage. I-I couldn't let that happen." I felt weak all over. I still do. Had he murdered people? I guess I needed to believe him, considering the people who came to the house when the fire happened. I was trembling under his touch.
"And.. Of course.. That-uh- that k wanted you.." He took his hand off mine.
"I won't hurt you. I'll never let them hurt you, I promise." He whispered, staring me in the eyes. I felt my heart pound thinking about it.
After that night I saw more of Frank. I was realizing how much, deep deep down inside me, I did enjoy the little things he'd do.
I was awake for every one of those morning kisses.
I felt how his hands lingered on me when he carried me.
I knew how much I meant to him, I just didn't understand why.
That's a question I asked myself countless times.
Why?
Why me?
I believe things are meant to happen, so I decided I'd let them.