Petal

Eleven

///Trigger warning///

It had been a month since I took Gerard and he was slowly recognizing that I wouldn't hurt him, but that I'm also in charge.
He forced me out of the room when he took baths and stuff and of course I worried but I wasn't going to make him let me in for that.
I made him food after about a week of him hitting me and pushing me away, thinking id hurt him, before realizing I really wouldn't. He still didn't like me touching him, though, of course. I brought the plates of food to his room, and let him have a few of his DVD's and books, didn't need to handcuff him to the bed anymore. If I let him lay freely at first he would probably end up trying to break the windows and tearing the room apart. He was still having nightmares, maybe even more often, which I hated myself for, but I woke him up every time and put a movie or something on to calm him.
Last night he had one and I could hear him just sobbing at screaming when I woke him up he grabbed my arm so tight it made my heartache a bit. Watching him fall back asleep after that was hard. The batman cartoons always get him to bed. After he did fall asleep I stroked his hair and kissed him on his head. I hate that he has to go through this.
I thought everything was going okay. I thought he was starting to feel comfortable. I thought I was keeping him safe.
I thought he was okay.
Tonight, i was been sitting in my room watching a Tim Burton movie and I heard the clatter of something in the bathroom.
I ignored it, assuming he just dropped his toothbrush or something. But then I heard soft sniffles and whimpers.
I shot up out of my bed, opening the door and not even bothering to lock it as I ran to the bathroom door, which was, of course, locked.
"Gerard open up" I said loud enough for him to hear, knocking and trying to turn the knob.
"Gerard please. I will break this door down" I still heard stifling, then a hiccup and him trying to hold back tears.
"Get away from the door I'm breaking it down" I said, taking a step back, aiming my shoulder to the door as I tried to force it open. At first it wouldn't budge, but then, at last, with more force I didn't know I had, the door broke off its hinges and flew open. There I saw Gerard on the floor, his eyes red. He only wore boxers. It looked like he had just gotten out of the bath.
I stopped in front of him and stared down. When we locked eyes I knew from then on everything was not okay. He was hurting, mentally and physically. I slowly fell to my knees beside him.
Immediately I noticed them, some cut marks on his thighs. They weren't too deep but they bled. I noticed some older scars too.
Everything was wrong. His body, it looked more pale then usual. his stomach carried less chub.
He seemed so weak.
"Gerard.."
He kept his head down. Hair covered his face, his lip trembled.

What a beautiful sight, to see him alive.

He hid his body, pulling his knees to his chest. I didn't know what to do, I needed him. I wanted him to need me so bad it hurt. It hurt so bad.
I brought my hand to the back of his head, moving close, forcing him to look at me. He flinched, digging his nails in to his sides.
"What did you do" I said sternly, staring in to his eyes. His eyes welled up with tears, fluttering. "It's okay" I whispered. I felt tears well in my own eyes but before he could see them I pulled his body in to my arms, his head in to the crook of my neck.
This is the closest we'd ever been and I held him closely and securely, kissing his head. It was all I felt i should've done at that very moment.
"This needs to stop. It's unhealthy. I-I would know." My scars have long since faded but it still happened, no matter how much I try to convince myself it didn't.
He didn't hug back, he just.. Shook in my arms, and I didn't care. As long as he was here with me.
I pulled away and stared down at him as I went in the closet and pulled his robe out, which I bought special for him because there were roses on the back and I knew he'd love it. I helped him stand up, wrapping it around him and tying it. I then pulled him to sit on the counter top by the waist. He looked exhausted. There was Crimson blood on the floor and all over his thigh.
I went back to the closet and grabbed some bandages.
I looked back to him and he looked so full of shame, his head ducked. I kissed his hair and pulled the robe away from his wounds. I cleaned them, washing the dried blood off of his skin.
I then carefully placed a bandage with medicine on it, patting it down securely.
I just leaned on the counter. I couldn't look in to his eyes. Tears had fallen from mine and I knew I looked weak. He needed to know I was strong. That I was here for him.
I carried him back in to the bedroom, ignoring the door, before I sat him down in the bed and gave him space, kneeling in front of him.
"I need to know how long this has been going on." I said softly.
He stared down at his lap. My eyes went down with his and noticed his legs had gotten a bit thinner. I knew they had. I knew his body. He had been starving himself. It was my fault.
I leaned in, trying to catch his gaze. Our eyes met and the tears that were welled in his eyes finally fell.
"I'm sorry" he said quietly, his voice breaking. He held his face in his hands and cried. I was shocked.
The entirety of the time we've been together he hadn't spoken a word, let alone apologizing to me for anything. If I'm honest I didn't think he was going to.
"Gerard" I choked out. He hunched over, sobbing.
I didn't know what to do. What was I suppose to do. There was nothing I could do but try to help him.

I hope this is okay I'm really scared to post it cause I'm scared I messed up somewhere but I really hope you like it!!