Anxiety // Jakob Delgado

16. | 15 weeks before

Hailey:

It feels weird not spending the night with Jakob. I guess I've just gotten used to seeing him after school. I like the feeling I get when he's around me; I feel safe and like I actually could recover. I've been taking my medication every day and for most of the time, it's really helping. Tomorrow night I'm sleeping over at his house so that will make up for the time lost without him this afternoon. Since I'm alone, I might as well practise a bit of piano. I lay out my sheet music and sit down, resting my fingers on the keys before starting to play. Music never fails to rid me of any bad feelings I have inside of me. I love the way it can just get inside your head and the fact that you let it, because you know it's going to impact you positively.

•••

The bell goes, signalling the end of the school day. I remember I'm meeting Jakob at my locker so I hurry up in packing up my stuff, rushing out into the hallway.

"Woah, slow down." He laughs once I'm in earshot. I ignore him and open my locker, pulling out my school bag. It's heavy because I have all my clothes and things for Jakob's tonight.

"Let's go." I announce before closing my locker and leading the way out of school.

On the way out, we pass Chris. He sort of smiles at me and I smile back but keep walking. At first I don't think anything of it but then I feel Jakob nudging me.

"Hailey, did you just say hi to Chris!?" He asks excitedly.

"Um, no, not really.." I trail off, a little confused.

"But you smiled at him! You couldn't do that last week!" He explains.

"You're right..."

I can't help but smile at the ground as we exit out of the gate and start off down the road. This is as far as I've ever gotten with my old friends and I can't say it doesn't feel good. Jakob and I keep on walking until we get to his house.

"Um, I think Mikaila might be home but mum and dad won't be until later." He tells me as he pulls out his keys and unlocks his door. I can't help but feel a little anxious about meeting his parents but cover that with a smile.

We walk into his house and I'm immediately hit with the smell of freshly cooked brownies. I follow Jakob into the kitchen where I see Mikaila doing just that; pulling brownies out of the oven. She smiles at both of us as we walk past on our way up the stairs. We throw our stuff down on Jakob's floor before collapsing on his bed.

"What do you want to do?" He asks, looking over at me. 

"Can we watch more Glee?" I ask, watching a cheeky smile spread over his face.

"Of course."

I move until I'm sitting up against the headboard and watch as Jakob fiddles with his TV. Eventually he manages to get the disk in and joins me back on the bed.

We must've sat here for hours because by the time we've finished our sixth episode, it's almost dark outside. I'm having such a good time though. Even just sitting here beside him makes me feel good. I haven't had a real friend in so long and even for the short amount of time we've been friends, it's already a better friendship than I've ever had before.

"Can I ask you something?" Jakob asks. My stomach erupts with a ton of nerves but I nod anyway.

"Yeah."

"What aren't you telling me?"

I can't hold his eye contact; I have to look away. I'm not ready to tell him about my dad. That sick, horrible feeling works its way through my stomach and to my throat. I try to control my breathing but I can't.