After The End: Book 1

9. Waiting and Feeling

"I'm fine," he insisted.

I shook my head. "No you're not, and I'm not asking you to be fine. I'm just asking you to talk to me."

"You're not going to find me on the floor again," Harry said bluntly. He stood up with clear intentions to hide back in his room. "The depression isn't near that spicy."

"Harry," I began rising to follow him.

"Stop worrying about that and start worrying about the fact that my birthday is less than a week!!" Harry exclaimed at random. I heard the humor returning to his voice as he changed the subject. "And I have no friends."

"I'm your friend," I reminded him quizzically.

"Yeah, but you're my only friend! Everyone else is like... Drug dealers and they're probably not happy that their biggest spender just dropped out," he paused and let his eyes wander to the entryway. "The doors are locked right?"

Harry had a newfound fear he had mentioned in passing the previous night. He was convinced that this coke dealer was going to come after him for not placing his usual order and ignoring his calls. Apparently you had to give notice when you quit doing coke. Harry hadn't done any since Christmas eve as far as I knew. The dynamics didn't really make sense to me but he assured me it was a valid fear.

"They're not coming Harry," I said bored.

"I've seen them go after people Louis. I've seen him hurt people really badly." He said it very casually from the doorway but I could tell he was being serious. He went back to looking at his hands.

I didn't say anything.

"But honestly I'm more scared that he'd bring me some stuff and I'll say yes. Peer pressure really gets to me. I've never been able to say no," he trailed off laughing slightly.

"This is why drugs are bad Harry," I said airily staring into him. He wasn't looking but he could feel my eyes.

He made a pouty face. "I'm being better now."

"It's only been like three and a half weeks," I reminded him. His longest attempt at sobriety had been 4 months. "And you still get shitfaced all the time."

"I'm trying though," he said smiling slightly. I could tell he was slightly offended by what I had said so I responded in a more supportive way.

"As long as you're trying I'm happy Haz." I smiled at him. He was trying. He was better than he'd been. This was an improvement over his previous nothing.

"But seriously my birthday party is going to be so lame!" He continued as if the small discussion of his drug and alcohol abuse had never happened.

"I already told you we weren't having a party." I sighed. Why did he even want a party? He was barely leaving his room and felt totally uncomfortable around everyone, including me! His desire for a party made no sense.

"Why not? You had one!!"

"No, you had a party on my birthday. I wasn't even there." I reminded him.

"Please..." He begged.

"Why do you even want a party? You don't even have anybody to invite!" I didn't want to hurt his feelings but I was true. He really didn't have many people aside from his addict friends. He'd just said that himself.

"What about the other guys? Like Zayn, and--"

"They hate us," I cut him off coldly. Especially Zayn. Harry hadn't seem him since the fight that directly precluded his attempt.

"No they just think we're stupid. Niall calls me like once or twice a month still." Harry smiled. "He likes to see how I'm doing. And we could invite Naomi... Maybe her roommate Lux?... I haven't met her so she can't hate me.... What about the bartender at Sikjees?" I rolled my eyes at his list of people that 'probably didn't hate him.'

"No party. If you want some friends over then fine. Don't invite the bartender with the creepy eye... Invite the hot one if you must.... But nothing stupid okay?"

"Yes! Oh and--"

"Wait...you can have your group... But only if you figure out a way to get Naomi to talk to me." I laughed at the ridiculous proposal.

"Done deal!!" He exclaimed excitedly. I didn't actually expect him to pull that off. But I was using a tactic that I'd used on Harry for years now. If I gave him enough tasks to focus on like party planning, Christmas tree decorating, table setting, or getting my girlfriend to get off her hiatus and text me back, he could focus on it instead of focusing on how shitty he felt. In my experience he felt pretty shitty most of the time.

I tried to laugh to hide my concern. I couldn't shake the worry that stemmed from my inability to get ahold of Naomi.... It was freaking me out a little. Naomi was the first person I'd let into the broken home that me and Harry lived in. I didn't want that to go away.

****

2 AM. The morning before Harry's party. That's when she finally called me. Her voice was tired and she sounded nervous. "Louis?"

"Naomi?" I was surprised to hear her voice. "Are you okay? Why haven't you been answering me?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.... Harry texted me. Can we meet sometime? Soon?" Her voice came through shakily.

I took a deep breath pushing the concern out of my voice. "Of course!! Do you mean now? Or later today?" I asked quietly. Her phone call had woken me up. Undoubtedly Harry was still awake due to his inability to sleep more than a few hours consecutively at night but on the off chance that right now was part of those few hours I didn't want to ruin it for him.

"Later today maybe?" She said hopefully.

"Harry's birthday party is this afternoon... How bout then?" I suggested. "It's only a few people."

"It needs to be in private..." She insisted.

"It will be," I assured her. "I promise okay?"

She seemed to think for a moment before finally saying "Okay." I couldn't tell if she was smiling or not.

"Everything's okay right?" I asked feebly.

"Yeah," she said quickly. "I gotta go."

"I love you," I said it randomly and almost panicked. It was the first time I'd said it to her. And it was over the phone no less. But it seemed necessary. I could tell something was wrong and she needed to know she was loved. Because it was what I felt.

There was a long silence before small voice replied "I love you too." I thought it sounded like she as crying. Before I could say anything else she hung up.