Touch me Not

26. let go

Appetite ruined, I decided that it was time to make one thing right, at least. Cameron deserved an apology.

I slid the patio door open, pausing to breathe in the stifling, salty air. Birds chirped and cawed, and the surge gave off that calming sound that never failed to soothe a wary mind.

Pausing in the shadow of a large palm tree, I realized that Cameron had left. The spot where he'd sat held no trace of him—the sand already trampled by numerous feet.

Walking toward the sun, I continued through the white sand, each step sinking deep into the warmth. My long sleeved, thin sweater would be soaked in no time, but I didn't care. It felt good to walk even if every face I met along the way belonged to a stranger. Perhaps that was the reason why it felt good. They didn't know anything about my life. They had never met me or Gabriel, and if they had, they might have seen the signs of a happy couple. Maybe they would have believed the lies.

I clenched my fists and walked faster. Lies. How much did I know about Gabriel? Had he always been violent, shielding me from that side of him until I came too close? It struck me that I had wondered the same thing before. My mind was running in circles within circles, and I wasn't getting anywhere.

My friends had moved me across the ocean to help me clear my head, but instead of thanking them for trying to help, I had been difficult.

They all deserved an apology, but I wasn't ready yet. I had to think. I had to decide what I wanted and how I would act when we touched American soil again.

Children ran in the sand in front of me, playing with a white ball that they threw back and forth. They were laughing, filling the air with unmistakable sounds of pure happiness. Two boys, sharing that effortless friendship that Gabriel and I'd once had.

He had protected me, he had kept me close and always made sure I was all right, but that person was gone—replaced by someone entirely different. It pained me that I might have been the cause of that change. Everything had been fine until I had told him about my feelings. I had seen it right before my eyes—the rage that had taken hold and refused to let go. He'd thrown me out of our room as if our friendship hadn't meant a single thing to him. Years and years of shared experiences, and it had all crashed in an instant. A split second of total destruction was all it had taken. Since then, I had tried to change us for the better, but instead, he had changed me for the worse.

I reached the end of the beach, or at least the end of the public beach. It was time to either return or continue my spontaneous escape. They would probably worry back at the villa, but hopefully they understood that I needed some time alone. I wasn't a child any longer, and I definitely needed to feel free and not locked inside a cage.

Instead of turning around, I ventured into a maze of hotels and private palaces that seemed endless. The larger hotels were visible in the distance, slabs of concrete with apartments upon apartments stacked on each other. The structures were huge, and they were everywhere. I was happy that Chris had the foresight to book something that was a little bit less gaudy.

I wandered around for hours, lost in thought until my legs barely carried my weight. Without a wallet or a phone, I was out of options. Alone. The sea looked welcoming, but I wasn't sure if I had it in me to walk into the water with all my clothes on. People would question my sanity.

Thoroughly exhausted beneath the relentless sun, I dropped on a blue-painted bench next to an open-air restaurant that lined the street, desperate to find shade. Not sure how late it was, I tried to estimate the time based on the position of the sun.

"Shouldn't look into the sun like that." A smiling guy with a black apron tied around his hips handed me a glass of water.

"Thanks. Why...?"