Love Is Yellow

chapter 36 - Rin

Somethings never change no matter how much you try. I've tried, i really have, but I guess it doesn't matter this time around. He said that he'd give me one more chance but I don't see it. All he's been doing is making jabs at how I acted before. I don't think he understands how hard this is for me, as I've never really had to take into consideration of other's feelings.

With Miku, I just act to make her happy, not really caring if she is, but knowing that it would make my image with her better.

It was different with Len too, he spoiled me, and wouldn't let me spoil him back. I wanted him to be happy, but was too busy being pampered that I didn't put his happiness before mine.

I'm trying to be sincere with Nero though. I want Nero to be happy. I want to be friends with him - no... I want more than that. The kiss didn't help like I had hoped. Or maybe I knew it wouldn't work, but I just wanted a kiss. My feelings are so conflicted; I don't understand how to live my life anymore.

Somethings never change no matter how much you try. I'll never be on friendly terms with Neru, and Nero won't ever trust me again. He was right though, Nero was, we should focus on Len right now.

"Len's been asleep for hours," I complained.

"What are you whining about?" Akita asked, walking into the room.

"I want to see my brother!"

She chuckled, and I glared, asking "What?"

"Oh, nothing," she answered, in a kind of sing-song voice.

"If you don't tell me, I really will tell Lenka!"

She frowned, sighed, and said, "Go ahead."

"You don't care? She might throw you out."

"I'd deserve it... I should have noticed something was wrong in the before it got out of hand... I shouldn't have let Haku take us there... I shouldn't have even let him talk me into going out."

"Neru, stop talking like that. It's not your fault," Nero said, coming down from the stairway.

"Yeah... I still feel responsible though. I can't believe he got drunk."

"Well, think on the brighter side, if she kicks you out you can come back home."

Neru glared at her brother and said, "I'd rather live homeless."

"Home isn't that bad!"

"No, just the lady living there is."

"She's your mom!"

"No... She's your mom."

"We're brother and sister! We have the same Mom!"

"Whatever," she mumbled, then turned to me, "You still want to know?"

"Huh?"

"Why I was laughing... never mind, I think I heard Len upstairs."

Neru ran off upstairs, to go to Len's room, probably.

"What's her problem?" I asked.

"She's probably annoyed."

"Why?"

"She's always annoyed."

"Fair enough."

We both laughed, and he sat down next to me, his hair in his eyes. I brushed it away, and he froze at my touch. I slowly drew my hand back, and he asked me, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"The kiss," he muttered, blushing slightly and looking away, "why'd you do it?"

"I don't know..."