steadfast ardency | poe dameron [completed]

8: It Hurts

8

" It Hurts "

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"N - No," I broke out painfully, diverting my glossy eyes from Leia Organa's deep chocolate ones as she approached me, so close I could make out the lines of age drawn across her skin. "I turned my back on him and the First Order a long time ago."

I looked down at her. She was shorter than I remembered, but all too familiar. Her and Bö were great friends, so in turn I spent almost every waking hour with her and Ben running around the halls of the New Republic senate's building or other political buildings.

Bö.

I held back the tears as I straightened my posture, but that didn't stop my voice from cracking. "Is she really –?"

"Yes," Leia whispered.

And I cried. I cried in front of all of those technicians and soldiers, all of those who thought of me as a fearless Jedi. I was now a blubbering mess, my hands running over my sodden cheeks as fragmented sobs racked my body and sprang from my quivering lips.

Leia pulled me into her arms and this time I didn't resist. I melted into her motherly embrace, scrunching my eyes, trying to rid myself of the pain and emotion I feel from Bö's death.

I broke away momentarily to stutter at Leia through a watery gaze. "If I hadn't had left, if I was there with her –"

"Shh, shh," she cooed, caressing my wet cheek in her warm hand. "The Dark Side blinded you, Arden. You were subjected to such artificial powers and misleading ideas. I do not blame you for joining Ben on the Dark Side, neither did Bö; love is  controlling. She loved you like you were her own child and she left this life knowing there was still hope. You mustn't forget that."

I sobbed and quaked and buried my head in her shoulder like a child. The room was silent, all eyes surely on me. I heard a number of murmured comments float about until I retracted from General Organa and wiped my cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I apologized wholeheartedly. "I'm so sorry."

Leia smiled softly. "You are one of the bravest people I have ever met. It takes an immense amount of courage to stand up to those you love. Turning your back on the First Order had to be difficult."

I lowered my gaze. "I couldn't bring him back, Leia. I tried, but I just couldn't."

The old woman squeezed my hand. "Tell me later. You look as tired as me. Go get some sleep."

I nodded, then turned around and scurried off, defiantly raising my middle finger at two guards undeniably judging me for my cry fest. As I careened around the corner, I collided into another body and stumbled backwards, looking up to see Poe standing before me.

"Poe," I spoke.

He stared at me – gaped actually. My ruddy cheeks. My red eyes. Then his eyes traveled down my clean body, lingering just a little too long on my exposed legs, then retreated back to my face.

His cheeks tinged pink as I raised my eyebrow.

"Are you okay?" He choked out.

"Are you okay?" I fired back.

"Yeah, I'm just –" He ran a hand through his slightly damp hair. He had showered as well and was looking impeccably gorgeous in a white shirt and loose pants. "I heard it. All of it."

"I know," I sighed. "As did basically the entire base."

Poe dragged his tongue over his pink lips. "Did you mean it?"

"What?"

"Did you really love Kylo Ren?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. Poe's words were tight and filled with hesitance, like it took guts to ask that question. Without a second guess, I blurted out my true thoughts.

"Yes." 

Poe curtly nodded, like he was angry, as his shoulders grew taunt and nostrils flared. He was attractive when he was bothered. Oh, boy was he attractive. I could honestly stare at his angelic face all day.

But there was something there instead of anger, it was pure envy.

"Are you. . . Jealous?" I implied, a smirk forming across my lips.

Poe furrowed his bushy brows. "What? No, I, like, barely even know you, and you're just some girl who's snarky, and annoying, and rude, and. . ."

He was trailing off because he was absentmindedly approaching me and backing me up against the wall. His hot breath fanned my face as my insides broiled. His eyes widened as he noticed the miniscule space between us, but he didn't object and neither did I. We were so close our chests were barely skimming each other.

"And you're so frustrating," he murmured. I started shaking; not having been this intimate with someone in a while was placing my nerves on end. Poe's fingers hesitantly grazed over mine which were held at my sides, his warm skin sending sparks through my bones as I looked at him groggily, drunk on his presence.

Our fingers wove between each other as our heads drew closer. I didn't feel intoxicated with energy or high on fireworks like I did with Ben. This was different, way different. I felt calm in Poe's presence, safe almost, like he was a comfort blanket protecting me.

Our lips weren't touching but our foreheads were pressed against each other affectionately. I breathed in his fresh scent of citrus and clean laundry. Poe drew his hands from mine, moving them up across my side leisurely, igniting my skin, to caress my still damp cheek lovingly. We moved in to finally connect with a kiss –

"All pilots report to the flight deck for a brief meeting. All pilots report to the flight deck for a brief meeting."

The robotic voice snapped our attention away from each other and we instinctively jumped back, breaking our bond. Poe glanced around furtively at the hallway which slowly flooded with groups of pilots and crewmembers, not minding the red-faced duo who now stood a good three feet away from each other.

Poe opened his mouth to say something, but I had already swiveled around to flee in the opposite direction. My heart pumped loudly in my ears as I constrained myself from turning around to see a doleful Poe whom I just totally admitted to having the hots for. I'm so stupid, I told myself, I'm so so so stupid.

Now it would be even harder to leave this place.

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(A/N):

I am so proud of this chapter guys ive never really written such a romantic scene before and oh mah gawd gurl they gonna get it ON

Lol idk

- kelly