ALWAYS

UNDO ALL THE PAIN

She tried to convince herself that she's just caught up with her anger, that it was a hype of the moment kind of thing. But words had a way of hurting someone, worse thing is once you said it you can never take it back. Words are like knives that aim from the inside, no wounds in physical aspect but deep cuts can be found at the core of our heart.

"James naman, sabi ko naman sayo na let's be discreet about us."

"Sa pinaggagawa mo baka paggising natin bukas the world would know that we're together."

"I thought we agreed on this?" she didn't even look at him when she uttered it, she didn't see how he winced at every emphasis she did when she said it. On the contrary, James gaze was fixated on Nadine, trying his very best to understand her, trying his very best not to mind the pain in his heart.

"James naman. You can hug me. You can kiss me naman eh. As long as tayo lang or yung mga nakakaalam lang ang nandyan. What if this breaks out? Tapos masisira ang career natin. Tapos media people will do anything to break us up, you like that? Why are you so careless in everything you do? Do I need to remind you everytime? Malaki ka na. You should know what's right and wrong." And that's all it took to tick James anger button too. He was still holding back though, still speechless at how his girlfriend was acting. Is it wrong to hug the girl you love? Is it wrong to show her how much you love her? Is it wrong to love someone? Besides, he made sure no one's watching when he did that and he's not really sure where his girlfriend's coming from on why she's so mad about it, as if she didn't want him at all. And she need not necessitate bringing up the careless thing again, because they both know that when it comes to her he was far from being lackadaisical.

"So it's wrong to hug you or kiss you now?" He asked, the seething emotions that he felt was never palpable through his voice, he was pretty calm on the outside but if she only look closely she would know how what's happening between them impaired him so much.

Nadine was vigorously scratching her hair when he mumbled that, his question made her mad a little bit more than she already is. She thought of how close minded he is. She thought of how selfish he is. But she never thought of how selfish she is too. How she deprived herself from compromising just because she's livid. She's on the peak of her anger that it's taking away her sanity, she couldn't think straight. She couldn't think of anything except the catalyst of their fight.

"Uggghhhh," she screeched with full exasperation, "If you'll do that again, then I think we should break up."

The words were articulated very lucidly for him not to hear it. His brain kept on repeating "break up" like a broken record. He was scared, mad, and disappointed all rolled up to one. He couldn't understand how simple it is for her to bring that up, as if it's just easy for her to break up with him. It made his knees frail that he needed to brace the kitchen counter for support. It made his heart constrict into a different kind of pain. It made him feel a whirlwind of emotions inside, to the point that he couldn't suppress his tears anymore. What she said was like an avalanche of snow cascading through his spine, leaving a trail of soreness along the way.

Nadine on the contrary was still very furious. Her stares were like daggers piercing through him. But both of them remained silent, letting her last phrase lingered on the suffocating air of tension between them. He muffled a few curses beneath his breath. And the next thing she knew, he was already out of her apartment.

It was just then that she became conscious about what she said and what she should've said. It was just then that she apprehended how selfish she acted. It was just then, just when he's out – when he's gone. If only she can turn back time then she would do everything just to take everything she uttered back. If only she can turn back time then she would handle everything differently. But she can't, she already hurt him, and all she can do right now is to apologize and hope, hope that eventually he will come around and take her back. Hope that he would still forgive her after everything she did.       

___

This is a crappy update, it was written in just one hour or less. I'm sorry I just had to post this. This is my way of coping with my CLeah heart, after I watched the preview of their San Fo scene I wrote this, simply because I'm a masochist. When I'm hurt I torture myself with pain until it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm sorry for dragging you all into this, but hope you still enjoy reading it. 

Thank you for your kind words in my previous stories. Let's continue to support James and Nadine in their future endeavors until the very end.

xoxo

-Z