ALWAYS

UNDO ALL THE PAIN

How we gonna fix this?

How we gonna undo all the pain?

Tell me, is it even worth it?

Looking through a straight line

Taking back the time we can't replace

The Only Reason - 5SOS  

___

Nadine was tossing on her bed for good old two hours now, touching the unoccupied space beside her from time to time. The feeling of having it vacant has now become unusual to her, given that most of the night James would sleep there. Hugging her. Holding her hand. Kissing her goodnight. But, regrettably, not tonight or for a few nights after this or maybe forever.

Fights were never rare to their relationship; in fact it's not rare to every relationship. Usually, it would escalate from something small or petty that they need not to fuss about. Sometimes, it would be about her dress being too revealing or him not wearing his ring. But most of the time it's about her being workaholic. Nevertheless, after the exchange of emphatic insinuations of both parties with their remanding voice, they would just compromise and kiss and make up. However, tonight was different; as a matter of fact, this week is vastly disparate from their previous weeks, solely because they've been fighting a lot than usual. They both don't know how to fix it. And they would be lying if they say that they didn't feel the angst that eventually this will lead into something cataclysmic to their relationship, something that'll tore them apart, something that'll leave them no choice but leave each other.

Nadine had miniscule gist that the problem is her, she most likely had a hint about it from the start, but she didn't put much to it because she's very positive that James would understand. Heck, because he always understands. But lately he has become so needy. Grabbing her hand in front of many people, hugging her almost every time, kissing her not mindful if someone's watching, and it always leaves her frantic and anxious. It ticked her a little, hence leading her to threaten him. To be completely fair, she didn't really mean to say that, it was just her way of scaring him. Somewhat an ultimatum. They've talked about it since they began dating each other, they made it a stern point not to tell anyone except their closest friends, or maybe it was just her who wants that to happen. But when you're in a relationship, one can never take "Break-up threats" ever so lightly. And it was her mistake that she brought it up.

"Ikaw naman kasi Nadine you shouldn't have said that. Ayan tuloy." She scolded herself, but her voice was never akin to being mad it was more of being solemn and sad than otherwise.

It's true that you'll only regret something when it's gone – or in her case, he's gone. She didn't believe it then but now that she finally experienced it, it was all that she can think about. Unconsciously, she took James's love for granted. She got used to the idea of him always being there that she didn't put much of paying attention to his feelings anymore. She got used to his treatments that all she can think of is no matter what she'll do or say he would always be there. She had set his feelings aside without her realizing it. Except, everyone has their own limits, and James reached his tonight. And now, now that he's gone, all of it dawned her – her mistakes, the way she treats him, all of it.

What had happened earlier was still very vivid in her mind. How he cursed beneath his breath just so she can't hear him, because he knew that she never like him cursing. How he braced the kitchen counter just to take everything in instead of dodging it. How he's holding back his voice, because he don't want to shout at her. How he stared at her with his saddest eyes, full of hurt, pain and disappointment. How he left without even uttering a single goodbye, but closed the door ever so lightly because she hates hearing it. And how she's so adamant in proving her point at him without even considering what he feels. How she continued to talk not wanting to be interrupted, without even giving him a second of time to explain his side.