Caged Bird

4

Jane rarely tells Thor about the conversations she has with Loki during her visits. They are all approximately the same- a greeting, a question as to what he sees, and her perpetual question as to whether or not he is where she sees him. He does not appear to be eating any more than he was to begin with. She does not want to imagine what his cell smells like, unwashed as he seems, but at the same time, she wants to speak to him face to face. She does not know why, other than that it seems inhumane to keep someone with no direct contact with any other creature for as long as she has been visiting Loki.

She has asked Thor for permission, but he has resisted allowing her visit. He is too dangerous. His illusions could be used to mask whatever he chose to do to her. And she could be left at his mercy until dead. So every time she asks, he denies it.

She once again visits the cells. Loki is back, farther from the barrier, leaning against the wall, his eyes distant.

"Where are you this time?"

"The gardens."

"I'm starting to think you're not telling me the truth about what you're seeing."

"And how would you ever tell the difference?"

"Am I seeing you where you actually are?"

"Yes."

"Look...I don't know why you do what you do. But there's this book I've read about a dozen or so times...and at one point in it, this kid finds a mirror that will show him whatever it is his heart desires. He's an orphan who never knew his parents, and they appear to him in the mirror. So he keeps coming back to it again and again. Eventually, he gets caught by his school's headmaster. I keep remembering what the headmaster tells the kid every time I visit. 'It does not do to dwell in dreams and forget to live.' Seems to fit."

"And what, exactly, am I supposed to live in? A cell? Oh, what a delightful life that would be, to stare at these walls for all the rest of my very long life! Did Thor tell you just how long that will be? Did he? Did Odin? How he must worry for my welfare..." He laughs, a cold cackling sound, rough and harsh from his many years of silence. His voice has never recovered.

"Don't get pissy with me. You could at least come out to talk to me. How do you tell what's real and what isn't? Can't you get lost in your own mind?"

He remembers the words of his mother and whispers them, "'Cast enough illusions and you risk forgetting what is real.'"

"Yeah...something like that."

"What other than illusions and dreams do I have, Miss Jane?"

"I don't know. One final inch."

"An inch?"

"It's from another book...a graphic novel, actually. Here, I've got it on this..." She flips through her iPod and pulls up some text, "I'll read you the pieces that explain it. There's this girl, Valerie, and she's been imprisoned and tortured for loving women. And this is in the letter she writes to the person who will be in her cell after she's dead. 'But it was my integrity that was important. Is that so selfish? It sells for so little, but it's all we have left in this place. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free. ... I shall die here. Every last inch of me shall perish. Except one. An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it, or sell it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.'"

Loki stares at her, "And what good is that inch if you are dead?"

"It's still yours- the one last thing you own."

He sighs, "This has taken a turn for the philosophical. I should say something biting and sarcastic. Perhaps witty and defensive as well. Anything to end this particular thread."

"Look, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable...but I'm actually not. You're stuck here. You've got exactly one friend and it's me. And you look like you're starving to death. So I'm pretty sure I get to say whatever I want to."

"You would have been a good sister, Jane."

"Would have? Neither of us are dead yet."

He smiles, "Perhaps you are right. And perhaps you are an optimistic fool."

"Eh, I can live with that."

He closes his eyes, "Thank you. Even when you frustrate me."

"You're always welcome. Especially when I'm frustrating." He laughs, "Catch you later, Loki. Thor's expecting me for lunch." He nods and watches her leave, wondering what they would be like if he was not imprisoned. But he also knows that if he had never started on this path, if he had never interrupted Thor's coronation and taken the trek into Jotunheim with Thor, he would never met her. Staring at the space she sat, he takes some comfort in knowing that at least one good thing has come of his mess.