All This Time

12 ⦿ in which i fall

I remember being sixteen and looking at the closed coffin. I remember wondering whether at the end he had tried to free himself because he realized he didn't want to die. To this day, I can't get him out of my mind.

"Charlotte!" Wolf cries out.

I close my eyes as I fall. I'm falling backwards and I know my butt will cushion my fall. I let it happen.

Wolf doesn't.

Hands grab me. My eyes fly open to see Wolf standing over me. One of his hands holds onto my forearm while the other supports my waist. I can count each individual eyelash, even though the softly falling snow clumps them together. "Thank you," I whisper.

There is a battle warring in his eyes and he nods tightly, pulling me against his chest. There is a bird in my ribcage and it's flapping its wings in protest. My chest tightens and I damn my hummingbird heartbeat for betraying me as the intense look in his eyes quells, softening into a look of tender...concern?

Wolf doesn't release me, just keeps looking at me with that same infuriating look in his eyes. I wish I had time to decipher it, but he doesn't give me time. His eyes close and he's leaning in. At the tiny squeak I emit, his lips curve into a grin for a millisecond before they're on top of mine. I hold myself rigidly, willing myself not to respond because I know that if he's kissing me, it's for a reason.

He's using me - I can't let myself forget that. His lips are surprisingly warm as they try to coax me to respond, but I can't bring myself to kiss him back. Kissing was never part of the agreement, after all. The only reason he's getting away with this is because he saved me from what was sure to be a pretty humiliating fall.

Too bad that it's already too late; he can't save me from a much more important kind of fall. Willpower, self-control, self-respect, don't let me down! I think frantically. Help, I've fallen and I can't get up.

"Charlotte, kiss me back," he whispers against my lips and I know I'm done for. My lips relax infinitesimally, and he presses his advantage by moving his lips against mine. Wolf's tongue traces my parted lips in a tantalizing, languorous move and I swear that the damn bird in my chest is going to kill me. My heart is hammering frantically and I gasp for air, stealing some of the peppermint breath from his mouth.

He releases me slowly. His eyes are still closed, but mine pop right open. There's still the faintest smile on his face, like he's reliving the memory of our kiss. What the hell? For some reason that makes me angry. I grit my teeth. Why isn't he letting me go? It's all for Diana's benefit, anyway. Against my better judgment I look at Diana. I expect a furious expression and a promise in her eyes to drive a stake right into my heart. Instead, I see her bowed head next to Graeme's, looking at a T-bar jewelry stand laden down with necklaces. She's not even looking at us.

Somehow, that makes me feel cheated. "What the hell did you do that for?" I hiss, resisting the urge to give Wolf a push.

His eyes open. "What?" Why the hell does he sound so blissful?

"She's not even looking, Wolfram! Why did you kiss me?"

"Has the thought 'because Wolf wanted to' crossed your brain?" He lifts one aristocratic brow at me.

"Um, no?"

"Then you're not as clever as you look," he points out, giving me a lazy smile. "Let's go."

Is he really trying to avoid talking about this? "Fine," I say in a clipped voice.

We don't get more than two feet before his hand finds mine, loosely holding my wrist. At my questioning look, he just shrugs. "You could fall again," he points out.