Yours Truly, Harry Styles

Chapter 16: Crash

hello friends sorry for a late update im a shit person i know im truly sorry and i dont even know why im awake tbh k 

so i honestly am a bit disappointed in how this is going because its been about three months and im not saying that i EXPECT reads i just feel like if my other story is so 'popular, amazing, etc' why isnt this one getting as much feedback as the other? its just a bit disappointing because i've worked so so so hard on both of my stories but regardless, thank you to everyone who reads this i love you very much and dont get me wrong im not bein ungrateful its just a bit disappointing as ive said but yeah massive thanks to you for reading this :) 

anyway hope you enjoy lol sorry its sad idc im sad so 

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"SARA! GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF BED!"

I groaned and yelled back, "NO!"

I'd been sleep deprived in this past week with the boys. They liked to stay up playing their stupid video games, yelling at each other, eating until they puked, and screaming and singing at the top of their lungs, so I was lucky if I could get an hour nap in at least once a day. 

I blinked a few times before all of the thoughts rushed in. 

I should've told him. 

I hadn't felt good in a long time. I was sick and I should've told him the second I agreed to being with him. He was observant though. He had noticed my weight loss and I lied. I lied. I lied in a stupid attempt to keep him safe. To protect him. He noticed how tired I always was. He noticed my short temper and it was all out of frustration. I hated how weak I was. I'd never felt so terrible in my life. I hated myself. Some days it was worse than others, some days I could just sleep the day through and others I couldn't sleep at all. I couldn't stop thinking and slowly I was dying and I knew it. 

It was eating me away and killing me slowly with each jab of pain I had ever felt. 

I heard stomping up the stairs and snapped out of my thoughts, pushing them to the corner of my mind. And so, instinctively, the first thing I did was run into the closet with a pillow, screaming 'no,' and locking myself in. 

"Where you at?!" It was definitely Louis. He was wild, he hardly needed sleep and he always wanted to party. 

He banged on the door demanding that I get out. 

"GO AWAY!"

I buried myself behind a pile of Harry's clothes and tuned him out, and once my head hit the pillow, I was out. 

--

"Sar?"

A light knocking on the door was enough to wake me up. My whole body ached and my eyes were glued shut. 

I stood slowly and unlocked the door. 

"Yeah?"

I opened up to Harry, who stood in the doorway with a concerned face. 

"Did you sleep in there?" He raised his eyebrows. "You're sweating like a pig," he laughed a bit. 

I nodded and wiped my forehead. 

"You alright?"

"I'm tired."

"You have been asleep for twelve hours, Sar, you should probably eat something."

"I'm not hungry, I just want to sleep, okay?" I snapped. 

He frowned and cocked his head to the side. 

I sighed. 

"Alright, go to sleep then."

I pushed past him and wrapped myself up like a burrito and pretended to fall asleep.

I watched Harry, who pushed his hair back in frustration and wiped a tear from his eye. He sighed and began to walk over to me, so I shut my eyes. He sat at the edge of the bed and took my hand in his. 

"I worry about you," his voice shook and he left me with a kiss on the forehead. 

I cried. Silently for no matter how much it hurt, I couldn't dare myself to make a noise. I couldn't dare let them hear me. I hated myself. 

I hated that I was putting him in pain. I didn't care how badly I was hurting, I cared about him and I couldn't hurt him. 

I ignored the pain in my stomach and I walked slowly to my suitcase. I dug around frustratedly until I found the little white bottle and I dragged myself to the bathroom. 

I struggled with my bony hands to open the damn child-proof bottle.

And I screamed because I couldn't open it to save myself. 

I threw it on the ground and screamed and cried because I wanted to die. 

"I WANT TO DIE," I screamed and cried and tried with all of my strength to open the bottle.

I smashed my hand into the mirror. 

"Open, open, open, please," I cried and what was left of my fingernails were bleeding. 

Through my tears I made out a blurry figure and all I saw were those piercing green eyes staring into mine. 

"I'm so sorry," I cried.

And that was all I remembered. 

--

Harry's POV

I felt like I was suffocating. 

I would never, ever forget the way I found her. She was sat at the edge of the tub, screaming, crying, struggling to open the bottle. 

And now, I stared at her as countless needles were pushed in her, countless tubes were keeping her alive and the only noise in the room was that of the monitor which reminded me that no matter how bad she was, she was alive. 

She was sick. 

And that was it. 

I couldn't bear to hear what was wrong with her because I knew I'd probably die from shock. 

My whole body ached and I felt awful. Like I was being suffocated but I couldn't die. 

All I knew was that she was sick and she was depressed and she was weak. 

She hadn't woken up in two days. She had a concussion and almost bled to death when she punched the mirror. 

What she hadn't realized was that after she hit it, she'd gotten glass in her hand and then it somehow managed to get into her side aswell. 

I was numb. I collapsed upon seeing her and it wasnt until about a minute later when Niall rushed in and called the ambulance. 

The boys were in the hospital aswell and I knew it, they were trying their best to help me and keep me sane, but it wasn't working. They couldn't help me. And it was awful because I knew that feeling of helplessness. When you want to help your friend, and you can't. You just can't. And thats how they must've felt and it was horrid. 

It was all so sudden. 

But when I really came to think about it, I realized she'd been sick for awhile. I was right about her weight loss, I noticed her constant headaches, how tired she always was. I'd known something was wrong but I didn't do anything about it and that was the worst. 

I could've done something and I didn't.

I felt so alone. So helpless and all I could do was pray that she would wake up. 

I tried to sleep but was constantly facing nightmares in which my world was black and all I could do was scream knowing no one was listening. 

 --

depressed yet? 

ya me too bye