daybreak | yoonmin

may 2nd.

8:41 p.m.

Jimin swung the apartment door open after a tauntingly slow train ride home from the city and a day out with himself. He did as he always does upon homecoming: toss his keys into the bowl, remove his scarf, check for mail, think of Yoongi, think of Taehyung.

In fact, the only reason he had gone out in the first place was to clear his head of the two. It did help a bit, though temporarily, to breathe new air and explore. But as soon as he entered his living room, the migraine-inducing thoughts attacked him with the force and quickness of a tsunami.

There he was. The boy named Taehyung, who sat on the living room windowsill like it was nothing at all to gaze at the clear and starry night sky. The moon was their only source of luminescence. Everything looked beautiful under its light. At least it appeared that way.

For some reason, Jimin could only stand there-- feet rooted to the doorway, hand cemented to the knob. He could only watch as the boy turned his head to him, glossy black eyes under the light of the moon. He could only breathe as a tear rolled down Taehyung's cheek.

"I was so happy you took me out the other night Jimin. We haven't been out in months."

Jimin took a step forward, "Baby, you know that we were--"

"But it's been worse before. You've been afraid to be seen in public with me for years."

He shut the door behind him and sighed.

"Don't start this again, Tae. I'm not in the mood."

"Well, I am!"

Taehyung was on his feet now. His breathing was choppy and erratic. It was quite obvious now that he'd done more than a little crying. And so, for the second time that week, Jimin's problems were showing their ugly heads.

"I'm not doing it!" He retaliated, throwing his jacket onto the couch.

"You're pussy!"

"If being pussy means I get to keep my family and you, then fine, I'll be pussy!"

"What about marriage? What about when your eomma and appa start asking, where-where their grand kids are? Do you ever stop to think about how fucking stupid it is to keep this from the people you love? They're going to find out! They're gonna find out anyway!"

"I'm just not ready to do it yet! I'm not ready!"

" 'I'm not ready. I'll do it later. Soon, Taehyung.' " He mocked, snorting at how ridiculous the words sounded, "That's all I hear from you nowadays. All these excuses and bullshit you feed me are just lies to buy more of my time. I used to wonder if I even matter to you at all. But this isn't about me anymore. It's beyond that now."

And Taehyung was right. But Jimin was too proud so all he did was throw himself onto the couch in reply.

"You're a fucking waste of my time. I deserve more than—"

"I know what you deserve, Taehyung."

"You don't even try."

"You make me hate myself. I love you so much I can't stand looking at you because you never did anything wrong. And I know I made you cry. I know you hate loving me too. But I—"

"What about me? When do you end and I begin? When will you realize I'm not just here to be a pawn or a body? I have my own heart. You hurt me so much. And all you have to say is that you know you did that, but you're sorry, and you're not even sorry that you've hurt me— you're sorry that you know what you're doing and won't do better. Why do you expect me to be sorry for having my own needs? Why do you refuse to let me feel loved by you?"