Confessions

Chapter Five: Making Arrangements

I hated how weak and dependent I could be at times.

I was swaddled in the warmth of Niall's arms, in his lap as we rocked gently on the couch in the living room. Zayn was pacing in front of us silently, running his hand through his hair and tugging every now and then. The sight of a distraught Zayn frightened Niall and I into a worried silence. Such a stressful atmosphere really messed with my headspace: I wanted to be there for them and possibly defuse the situation but at the same time, I wanted to crawl into the comfort of my nappies and dummies and not worry about anything. I was frazzled by such a predicament.

"Okay," Zayn finally huffed, capturing the attention of both Niall and I and successfully pulling me out of my frustrating mental battle. "So, Liam knows and he's told us he hasn't told Louis," he began, "Louis was clueless, a sign that Liam was honest and he's a step closer to being possibly trustworthy." Niall and I nodded. I slowly slid off of Niall's lap but kept myself in his arms, silently signalling where my headspace stood.

Zayn caught the act and flashed a small, appreciative smile at my mental presence. I returned it with one of my own as Niall squeezed me gently. Zayn continued rambling on.

"I think it's best if we don't tell Louis any of this--there's no telling what he'd do with the info. I don't know and I don't plan on finding out." Niall shuddered above me as I frowned.

I contemplated telling him how magnificently he handled me when I had involuntarily slipped. Louis, although a bit reluctant at the start, provided me with exactly what I needed in that moment: care, attention, and reassurance.

I thought it best to keep my mouth closed. I'm too tired, anyways.

"Harry? Did you hear me?" I blinked at Zayn slowly, blushing as I slowly shook my head.

"Zayn was just asking if anything really bad happened before we got there," Niall repeated for me. My frown deepened.

"No. He just—I just got overwhelmed," I muttered. Zayn nodded thoughtfully.

"Liam was telling us that he's not that bad. I want to believe him, I really do. It's just, with the way he's been treating you and how—how rude he acts, it's just so hard!" Niall grumbled, throwing his hands up which made me sit up a bit more.

"Well, I just met him, so..." I let the fragment hang in the silence between us. Zayn shared a look with Niall and Niall responded with one of his own. It was as if I were watching some sort of sign language occur right before me.

"Okay, I have an idea that just might backfire," Zayn proposed cautiously. I raised an eyebrow in curiosity. Niall sighed.

"We'd been thinking about this for a while and we only want what's best for you—you know that, right?" Niall asked. I tensed up. Were they going to tell me that they didn't want me to be their baby, anymore? I began to panic. This lifestyle had become a part of me and to just suddenly not indulge in it would be absolutely catastrophic. Sensing my anxiousness, Niall rubbed up and down my arm soothingly.

"Whatever you're thinking, darling, it's probably not that," he comforted soothingly. I nodded and let out a shaking sigh, urging myself not to get too worked up over nothing. Zayn glanced at me worriedly.

"Do you need a moment, sweets? Are you okay?" I pulled myself together and nodded, giving him a wobbly smile. He replied with a reassuring smile of his own.

"I'm gonna finish up, now, okay?" He spoke tentatively, as if afraid he might provoke a breakdown. I laughed shortly at my foolishness.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just overthinking and—yeah." Zayn nodded letting out a relieved sigh and smiling brightly, clapping his hands together.