The Stroud Family and I

Epilogue: 2-part 1

Epilogue 2-part 1: Hope

"I'm sorry Mrs. Stroud, but you are diagnosed as infertile."

Doctor Nancy's face was filled with sympathy as she let her words sink in, and when they did, tears immediately began to form in my eyes. My vision became cloudy, and it felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I tried to rapidly blink so the tears wouldn't fall, but within seconds, multiple tears began to drop down my cheeks. I could feel my face heating up with anger and sadness. I felt Colton's arm immediately go around me, pulling me closer to him as I cried. I curled up to him, tucking my face into his dark jacket. He held me tightly against him as I poured my tears out and grossly onto his jacket. I felt like I was hyperventilating, and I was trying to control my breathing, but it was so hard considering the news I just received. Aside from hearing that Colton had gotten into a motorcycle accident, and the news that my parents had died in a plane crash, this news had to be one of the worst news I had ever received.

I have always wanted kids, always. I love children and babies and watching them grow up into becoming something more, but I don't think my love for children even slightly compares to Colton's deep love for them. I mean, he's the one who told me he wanted a large family because he loved having such a tight family bond like the family he is a part of now. Because of me, we might not be able to even have one kid, let alone all the multiple children we had planned on having.

I bit my lip to try and calm myself down. The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, and I internally cringed at the taste. Closing my eyes, I willed myself to just listen to Colton's heartbeat. The rhythm of his heart eventually began to calm me down, and after about five minutes of me meditating to Colton's heartbeat, I pulled away from him slightly, and Dr. Nancy offered me a tissue. I wiped at my eyes and sniffled into the tissue.

Our doctor gave us a sad smile and began to explain the reasoning towards me not being able to conceive a child so easily as to other normal couples out in the world.

"After tests and research, I've come to the conclusion that the reason why you cannot conceive a child so easily, is because your body has ovulation problems. This only happens with 3 in 10 couples, and unfortunately for you, you happen to be one of the three. Since your body does not produce as many eggs as other women, it is making it extremely difficult for you to have a child. Also, in our first checkup, you had mentioned that it took your mother and father many years until they were able to have you, so this situation may also have a big thing to do with hereditary. Since your mother had such a difficult time having you, then it makes sense you are also having a very difficult time."

My bottom lip trembled as she finished explaining the problem as to why I couldn't conceive a baby so easily. She was right. My mom had such a hard time when trying for a child, and when I finally came along, she didn't even want to try for another child because the process with me was so long. Laying my hands on my thighs, I took a deep breath.

"B-But, it is still possible to conceive, right?"

I dreaded asking that question, but I needed to know. I love kids, and I know how much Colton does too, so we would both be devastated if we find out we really, one-hundred percent, could not conceive a child.

"Luckily for you, that is not the case. You are still able to conceive, it will just be very difficult. Sometimes in situations like yours, it is only hard to conceive the first child, but with any others, it should be an easier process. As of now, I guess you just need to hope luck is on your side."

Colton and I both nodded our heads, and I was slightly relieved to know that it was still possible. But my mood dimmed once again when I thought about the fact that it is more probable to not be able to, than it would be to conceive. Doctor Nancy stood up, and both Colton and I shook her hand as she proceeded to tell us to not hesitate on coming back into the clinic for whatever reason. Colton placed his hand lightly on my back as we left her office and walked out of the clinic. The heat from his hand was filtering through my shirt as he steered us towards his car. He opened my door and once I was in, he shut it and walked over to the drivers side. Colton reversed out of the parking lot and began driving, not one of us uttering a single word. The car was filled with an unpleasant silence, and I stared blankly out of the window, watching as palm trees and other scenery pass by. I felt numb and yet raw, like someone had cut me once, and then cut me again in the same spot.