Follow Your Heart

Chapter Seventeen: A Kiss for Forgiveness

    He was there I could smell the woods on him. I didn't want him to know I knew so I stayed asleep. The blanket moved making my heart almost stop. His rough hand went across my scars and then he was gone. The woods smell was gone leaving me alone.

     In the morning I didn't look at him. If I did he would know I was awake last night. Carol walked over smiling. "You're in a good mood." "Don't let him know but Daryl came in my cell last night. He thinks I was sleeping." "Why don't you talk to him?" "I don't know how." 

     "You'll think of something." I walked outside and saw the truck we put in front of the entrance was now half way across the field. "Rick!" "What the hell?" "They're messing with us." "No shit, Randy."

"What the hell is your problem Dixon?" "You! You think just because you saved some people you're top dog! What about all the people you didn't save? You couldn't even protect a baby!" I couldn't believe it. He really went there. It took me a minute to get my head together. I took a step toward him ready for a fight even though I knew he would never hit me. I wanted to yell at him but I couldn't. I couldn't make a sound. Maggie grabbed me and took me inside. I walked into the cell block and opened the cell with the nursery. I ran my hand along the bassinet. Her stuffed animals laid around everywhere. I picked up the squirrel and smiled. "I thought you were supposed to take care of her." "Daryl.." "Don't Daryl me, Randy!"

     "It's not that easy. I tried to do everything right but she just got sick." I put my palms to my eyes and started crying. "I tried.. I know I failed. Babies aren't supposed to die but she did and you weren't there. It's my fault and I know that. Hershel said it was going to happen no matter what."

     "How does he know that?" "She was premature and her lungs were too small. I didn't get to be the mother she needed." I sat on the bed and tried to stop crying. He didn't need to see me like this. He didn't care. I cried too much all ready. He put his hand on my back and I stood up. I started pushing him back until he ran into the rail behind him. "You weren't there! I needed you and you weren't there! Where were you!" "I was looking for my brother.." He turned his head away from me and I slapped him. 

     "You sure as hell found him didn't you?" I started to walk away and he grabbed me. He pushed me into the cell gently and shut the door. "I didn't leave you. You weren't suppose to see it that way. I had to find him." "Why didn't you just tell me? You just ran out the door and didn't come back. I looked everyday but you never came. I thought you weren't going to come back." 

    "You in love or somethin'?" I stopped and looked at him. HIs eyes weren't kind, they were cold. They were as cold as Merle's. "No. I just didn't want to lose anyone else. I'm glad you got your brother back, Daryl, since he is the only thing you care about." I was about to leave when I stopped. I didn't turn back to face him afraid of the answer he would give me.

    "Why did you kiss me before you left?" "To see what you would do." "And?" I could hear my heart beating in my ears and my blood froze like ice. "Don't remember." I smiled and turned back to him. I put my shaky hand on his face and smiled. "You're real this time." "Hope so."

    I stood on my toes to reach him and he put his hands on my waist. I felt better the moment we touched. The pain was suddenly gone and it was just us. He let go and walked away. Why does he keep doing that? 

    I picked up Judith and smiled. I started to sing softly to her smiling face. I heard them talking to someone but I didn't want to deal with another problem. I walked over to the cell and placed Judith in the bassinet. I put the mail crate in there as well and put her clothes in it. "Lil' Ass Kicker.." 

     Everything was quiet when I walked back out. Andrea tried going in to see the baby but I blocked her way. "I just want to see her." "Too bad. You aren't going near her." "Its ok Miranda I'll be with her."

    I stepped aside and went to the perch. "What's her deal?" "She just lost a baby. She found her in a tent next to her dead mother. Took her in, fed her, clothed her, risked her life for her but she ended up dying a few days ago." "What was her name?" 

    "Sophia." "That was rude don't you think? Naming the kid after Sophia?" "Not at all." I sat with Merle outside on the steps and looked around at the walkers. "How are you Merle?" "Fine.. just fine. You?" "Not too bad." "You don't happen to have anything to drink do ya?" I smiled and he followed me to my truck. 

    "I got it from the CDC while we were there." "Merle!" "Uh oh. Here comes the part crasher." Daryl walked over and sat on the tailgate with us. I took the first sip and passed it to Merle. If you couldn't hear the walkers then you would think that tomorrow you would wake up with a hangover, take a hot shower and go to work with the worst headache but nope. You don't get a shower but you don't have to go to work either. So there's a bright side. 

     Merle started hanging on me until Daryl got between us. I put my head in his lap and smiled. "You look cute with mud all over you." "You don't drink much do you?" "Nope.." I took another swig from the bottle and tossed it to Merle. I sat up and kissed Daryl. "Don't run off this time."

     It was a normal night with them. After we finished a bottle Merle tossed it out at a walker and nailed it in the head. I laughed and grabbed another bottle. "How many did you snatch?" "I got one more for a special occasion. Tonight its ours!"