Keeping My Distance

twenty seven

EDITED

"You need to stop coming down here," Stefan's voice is hard. Icy.

I pause at the foot of the basement stairs, not saying a word.

My ears pick up that Stefan is pacing around his cell block.

"I can't handle anymore from you, you're supposedly in love with me, yet sleep with my brother," Stefan huffs in annoyance,

"Get out."

Turning on my heel, I skip two stairs at a time as I rush back up to the parlor room.

Guilt slips over my shoulders like a blanket, weighing them down. He is right. How could I have done this to him. Memories or not, I'm technically still his girlfriend.

I sit on one of the velvet couches, gripping the edge as if I might topple off of it.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" Damon asks me as he enters the room from the kitchen.

I look straight ahead, out the window,

"I don't want to talk about it."

He chuckles, trying to lighten my mood,

"That's my line."

I turn my head to stare at him. But I don't really see him.

"Well you're not the only one who gets to use it," the words snap out of my mouth before I could stop them.

He is only trying to ask me if I am okay. I don't need to be a bitch.

"Ouch," Damon says and flops down onto the cushion beside me.

"What exactly am I to you, Damon?" I ask, the question sharp like a toothpick.

His blue eyes stare me down, trying hard to read my expression.

That was rude. I know I'm important to him. And that he cares about me.

I place a hand on his knee, and his eyes meet mine and he raises his eyebrow in question.

"You don't have to love me, it's okay," I tell him, though he already knows this, I feel like I need to tell him.

A look crosses his face and he wipes it away before I can register what emotion it was.

"I love you, I do," his blue eyes dart over my face, trying to gauge my reaction to his declaration.

Funny, how losing someone ruins your ability to love anyone else just as deeply.

"Lying isn't a good look on you, Damon," I smile sadly at him, and he looks away shamefully since I caught him in such a big lie.

"I've been second to Elena my entire life, in everything. Plays, sports, school. And I will not be the person you settle for just because you cannot have her," I tell the beautiful man next to me,

"I won't do it. Elena attracts anything supernaturally evil within a hundred mile radius, but she is good, Damon. And I know you care for me, we have something real here. But it's not the same for either of us."

We sit in silence, our gazes mirroring one another's. Understanding flows between us.
We know each other better than anyone else at this point.

"You talked to Kol this morning?" Damon asks, changing the topic and leaning back on the couch, comfortable now.

"Yeah, I probably won't see him for some time now," I say and tuck my hair behind my ears.

"He wants you to move on?" The question hangs in the air for a long while before I answer.

"I wish everything could be what it was before. I wish I could feel nothing for awhile. I'm sick of feeling anything," I tell my best friend.

Damon stands up, pulling me with him. His hands encasing mine as he drags me to the center of the room.

"Let me change you," he states.

My heart stutters. Flashes of blood and monsters and nightmares fly through my mind.

"What?" I ask, knowing the answer.

"Jer is gone, Evelyn. Elena is a vampire. Bonnie is an anchor to the other side, Stefan and I are vampires. Let me change you into a vampire," Damon explains quickly.

I go to shake my head no, but he lets go of my hands and holds my head steady instead.

"Think of Kol."

This selfish asshole.

"Damon-" I start but he cuts me off.

"No, listen. Turn into a vampire. You'd have forever to wait for him. There won't be a time limit, you can take all the time in the world to bring him back. We can figure out how to get Stefan's memories back. You can turn your emotions off for awhile if you need a break from it all," the more he talks, the more it starts making sense to me.

I look up at Damon, fear rumbling in my chest, but a buzz of adventure humming in my ears.

"Okay," I tell him.

His eyes widen,

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I'm never going to be sure about this. I love Stefan, I love you, and I adore my sister, even though she is way too much for me to handle most of the time. I am in love with Kol, I want to wait for him," I tell Damon, my voice unwavering.

I can practically hear Kol's rage at my decision, cursing me for being so idiotic when nothing in the future is set in stone. Turning into an immortal creature for a possible chance of maybe being with him for real again.

Damon's eyes go red and he bites his wrist with his fangs, blood streaming down his forearm as he holds out the wound for me.

I take his wrist in my hands and press it to my open mouth, taking in his supernatural blood.

Once I've swallowed a few mouthfuls, Damon pulls his wrist away and it heals almost immediately.

"I'm going to break your neck, Evelyn. It's not entirely painless, but it's the easiest way to go," he explains to me.

I nod, tears brimming in my eyes,

"Thank you, Damon. Thank you for this."

"I would do anything for you, Evelyn," he kisses my forehead and crushes me in a bear hug. Burying his face in my hair, he inhales me one last time.

"See you on the flip side, Salvatore," I grin at him playfully.

"You know it, Gilbert. I'll be here waiting to wreck havoc upon the normal civilization with you when you wake up," he jokes.

He takes my head in his hands and I close my eyes, taking one last breath.

This decision was easy. Like breathing.
It's easy to choose love over everything else.

My love for my friends and family, and my love for Kol.

Damon is my heart. Stefan is my home. Kol is my soul. I've found peace here among them. And all of them are necessary.

What do we leave behind when we cross a new frontier? I wonder as Damon twists my neck, a sharp crack echoes deep in my ears.

Silence.

Each moment splits into two: melancholy for the past and what is left behind, and the excitement of entering a new land.