Keeping My Distance

twenty six

EDITED

Loneliness has followed me everywhere, all my life, until now.

Damon and I slept together again. It's honestly mind blowing how perfect our bodies mold to one another's.

I feel his arms tighten around my bare waist, and his mouth opens close to my ear. I can hear his breathing as he's still asleep. It's been a few hours since we've gone back to sleep now, and it's almost morning. I woke up a few minutes ago, this weird tingling feeling in my chest.

Smiling to myself, I turn to look at his face which had a peaceful expression. He was sleeping hard. Damon rolls over, letting me go from his grasp. I gently get out of bed, making sure to make almost no noise or movement. I grab his black t-shirt from the floor and my discarded underwear. Slipping them on quickly, I pad over to his bedroom door, going out into the hall and shutting it behind me.

Once I reach the kitchen, I start a pot of coffee and lean against the counter silently.

"What am I doing here, love?" Kol asks me from across the kitchen island, which he was leaning across.

I smile at him, and cross my arms over my chest,

"It's just one of those mornings where I miss you terribly, and I want to talk to you."

Kol rolls his brown eyes and smiles playfully at me,

"It seems you were doing just fine last night with Damon."

I stay quiet, unsure of what to say. I wanted Kol's blessing again, like when he told me I should go after Stefan. Because I will always care and love Kol, but we can't be together, not like this.

Kol sighs heavily, and comes to stand across from me, only a few feet away. His eyes dig down into my soul,

"Do you regret it?"

I shake my head, feeling slightly guilty,

"No, not at all."

"Well, why do you like him? Let's talk about it, pros and cons," Kol suggests, wanting to help me figure this out too.

"Damon is strong, and practically fearless. He loves deeply, he cares about everyone close to him even if he doesn't seem like it. We've spent every day together over the last few months," I turn and pour myself a black cup of coffee, holding it in my hands to warm my cold fingers. Looking back at Kol, I see him looking at me sympathetically.

We have so many words unsaid between us, an entire lifetime together was ripped from our grasp when he was killed.

"I will always love you. Only you, Eve," Kol whispers, his eyes glimmer with tears that won't be shed,

"But you deserve to be the happiest you can be."

A selfish part of me wants to keep Kol as an option, I want to keep him around incase something goes wrong for me in the future and he gets brought back to life.

"I'm still waiting for Elijah to bring you back, I'm still hoping it's you and me at the end of all of this," I tell him honestly, nervous to see what he has to say.

Kol reaches his hand out to touch my face, but lets it fall back to his side since he can't actually touch me.

"We can't keep doing this, Evelyn," He tells me, a sadness overtaking his features now.

A fist seems to clench around my heart, tears involuntarily pool in my eyes.

"Doing what?" I whisper, already knowing and fearing the answer.

"This, seeing each other. I want you to be happy, but you can't keep holding onto this fantasy that I may come back. Because the odds of that working out are not in our favor. Elijah has many other things going on right now, he is still trying but bringing me back is on a back burner right now," Kol explains, his voice hollow sounding.

A tear runs down my cheek. Love is painful, and goodbyes are even more painful.

"May we meet again," I manage to choke out, my voice cracking in a heart wrenching type of way. I repeat his words from when we first saw each other after his death.

Kol gives me a small smile,

"Goodbye for now, Eve."

I give him a watery smile and nod before closing my eyes and letting a few more tears fall. I wipe my cheeks dry and open my eyes, Kol is gone and I'm alone again.

Sighing to myself, I watch the sunrise slowly in through the kitchen window. The forest surrounding the boarding house quietly coming to life.

Stefan crosses my mind, another pang of guilt runs through me. He had to have heard what Damon and I were doing last night, or maybe he blocked it out, but either way he will know eventually.

Damon. I never thought I would ever be in the position I am in right now. Just like my sister, between the Salvatore brothers.

I would be his if he asked, I already told him I wanted to try. All this time I thought we were strangers who became close friends. But it turns out we know each other intuitively, in our bones, in our blood. When we touch it's like magnets. I move, he moves.

We are a mess. A huge unpredictable mess. But I love that, it's a thrill to not be perfect. My entire life has been messy, so why wouldn't my relationship be?

I feel a presence behind me, and I turn away from the window above the sink, to see Damon standing in the doorway to the kitchen. His gaze is content, he must've been watching me for sometime.

"How long have you been standing there?" I ask him, narrowing my eyes playfully at him.

He comes closer, and I notice he's just in his sleep pant with his chest bare.

"Long enough," Damon smiles at me.

I set my almost empty coffee cup down and go over to him, this sudden determination in me. Grabbing his face in my hands I pull his lips down to mine, kissing him passionately.

His arms immediately slink around my body, holding me to him tightly. After a few moments, we pull away both breathless.

"Whatever possessed you to do that should posses you more often," He jokes, his blue eyes lit up and a smile plastered on his face.

We have each other, and this is enough for me right now.

I roll my eyes at him, before leaning up to meet his lips once more.