Phan Oneshots!

Yours Sincerely, A Replaced Best Friend

SHIT SHIT SHIT I'M SO SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING I FORGOT

ANYWAY

Summary: Phil has a girlfriend and is blanking Dan, so he decides to leave. But what you, and Dan don't know is Phil's part of the story...

Genre: a little bit angst and idk what, I'd say trigger warning, but there's no, like, self harm or suicidal thoughts... Just a bit of um... Idek anymore I give up

Word count: 1.9k

Art: @phantheraglama on tumblr

A breath

"Hey Phil... This is a bit tricky for me to say so bare with me, okay?

"I tried to deal with what I'm about to say for a while now. And it's been really hard for me. I spent so many nights up crying instead of asleep because of this. And just as I was ready to tell you this, you got a girlfriend. I mean, I knew you were straight, but it still felt like somebody smacked me in the face with a brick. [AN: hehe PJOHOO reference right here... I'm gonna go now sorry] And I've been trying to hide myself from you in hopes that it'll fade away but it obviously didn't or else I wouldn't be writing this letter, and by the time you'll read this I'll be gone.

Anyway, my point is... I love you. And that's been really hard for me, because I always thought I was heterosexual. Apparently not, huh?

A shaking hand

And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but honestly, the idea terrified me: you're moving out, step by step, you didn't even notice it but you're replacing me, we haven't collaborated in over 3 months. 3 months Phil. You're replacing me. And I really miss you.

"I don't get to wake up to you every morning. I don't get to see your face every day. And not being able to see you every day is what hurts the most. And you don't even seem to care about that. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're happy, I just... Sometimes, I wish it was with me. Selfish, right? But I can't take it anymore.

"I simply can't.

"I want it to be noted that I tried. I tried really hard to be happy for you. I tried really hard not to cr-

Partially erased writing and unreadable words.

"But I simply can't. It hurts too bad knowing that I don't mean as much to you before as I did three months ago, and three before that, and three before that.

"You said you're dropping off soon to pick up some stuff, but I'll be gone by then. I packed up a small bag, filled with my basics, and I'm off to a friend's house for a while. I catch my train at 15:30. I simply can't stay in this house alone, all the memories together... They hurt me.

The waterfalls that are actually simple drops.

"I wish you the best of luck with Anna. And I wish it wouldn't have come down to this, but even seeing you so oblivious so how I'm not really happy hurts me. It really does. It's like we haven't been best friends for years, you don't even know when I'm faking happiness anymore, or you don't even try to guess. And I can't see you like this every week, knowing you'll never return the feelings I same. And also-every week, huh? It used to be every day.

Quickening breathing.

"You probably can't really remember this now, but I am absolutely nothing without you. Always was, always will be. You helped me feel better, and now you're making me, unintentionally, uncontrollably, and unbearably, feel worse.

A few chocked sobs escape into the free space.

"I'm sorry that this is how I say goodbye Phil, but it can't be face to face. I can't look at your disappointment or possible disgust at this.