Broken Generation (Sequel to Don't Go)

Chapter 11

Even though Evan keeps working we still talk and hang out so much. I have almost completely forgotten of what happened that day. At moments though I still have a tingly feeling that there is something more going through his head. Since the moment he saved me the very first night he has been so concerned and nice. Oli always thought that he liked me and that one day he was going to steal me away from him. Could it be that after all he does have some feelings for me? However if the answer ended up being yes, the next question would be do I have feelings for him?

Do I? I mean, I do know that I care and like him a lot. However, I'm confused whether or not if what I feel is more than just friends. Yes, since the moment I met him I felt like I had a special connection with him. Someone could think that it was just pure coincidence that he was the guy that saved me and ended up working in the same place as me. But, I'm not the person that believes in coincidences. I also think that there is a reason if something happens, that of course not saying that there is a God up there that is deciding everything. But I don't know, like life itself has brought a reason why we met again in that shop and now I'm living with him.

Destiny or not, now I live with him and I'm mentally confused of my feelings for him. I think the only way to sort things out is to just let time fly and see what happens. It could always be those things like 'Oh I thought I liked him but it was just misunderstanding' or shit like that. Well, I do have plenty of time after all. Evan is always at work now.

In a way having all this free time was a good thing. It left me more time myself to think about my life and do whatever I want without having people staring at me like I was going to have a mental breakdown in any moment. They don't ask me that many questions anymore but that's because I always give them the same response. They all think I need to move ahead in life. They think I'm blocked in the past when I was with Oli.

They're wrong though. I'm not blocked in the past. It's just that I don't know how to move forward. It's all so different now. I even don't know where to even start. I mean, for all I know everybody I had some kind of contact with thinks I'm dead. Like what if I go to a supermarket and then suddenly bump into one of them. What would I do? What would they do? They would hate me of course. I mean, they just randomly bump into someone they believed was dead and through all that time didn't even bother to tell them I was alive. Nobody could find out that I survived. They are better off without me. Especially him. I bet he is having a blast without me.

Who knows? Maybe he is bringing a different girl home every night. Going to pubs or even strip clubs. Just enjoying the life of a single man. He can do whatever he fucking wants. He's single! He's free! Or well... I think he is still single. Who knows, maybe he even fucking forgot about me and has a new wonderful girlfriend by his side. Maybe with her he will remember to keep his dick in his pants. After all, it could actually be the girl I found him cheating on.

I finally decided to get up from the couch and go to the bathroom. It's been awhile since the last time I self harm. Well, not really a while. More like two days ago. I took out my blade and looked at my thighs. They were now covered in scars. I was looking for a some clean space but was unable to find once. I sighed as I knew it would be a matter of a few days before the older scars would vanish and leave me some space. I guess it was time to use original place. I rolled up my sleeve to find a very clean arm. I mean, I could easily hide it. There just small cuts, easy to hide. I moved the blade across my arm a few times before letting go of it.

I cleaned everything and went to the living room knowing that in a bit Evan would show up from work. I put on a few bandages just to make sure the scars wouldn't open again. I rolled down my sleeve and moved my arm around making sure nothing could be seen. It passed the test.

After I finished to watch another episode of American Horror Story I heard the door open. I jumped up and smiled knowing it was Evan.

"Hey Nicole, how was your day?" He asked me returning the smiled as he was closing the door with his foot since both of his hands were occupied.