Jibbs One Shots: Volume I

Lonely Nights

     Ari Haswari was dead.. Caitlin Todd's funeral was over, I watched as Gibbs and his team went back into the agency. I had no reason to go back so i decided to go home. The memories of the past few days filling my mind as I drove home. The drive home was slow, while driving thoughts of my first day as director and how much I regretted what had been said that day. Where would I start? I regretted telling Jethro there would be no off the job. I regretted being so director versus agent instead of friend versus friend. I regretted taking the job so seriously.. No matter how much I wanted to change the past I knew it could never happen. 

    I pulled onto the quiet georgetown street, pulling into the driveway I parked the car and climbed out letting my heels hit the hard ground of the pavement. Shutting the drivers side door I made my way around the front of the car opening the passengers side. Once there I opened the door and leaned down pulling out my briefcase and purse. Once again I finally closed the passenger side door and walked around the front go the car. Making my way up to the front door I dug through my purse till I found my keys. Turning them into the lock it opened and I stepped inside to my quiet house.. I didn't bother with the lights. I made my way into the study turning on the desk lamp as I set my briefcase and purse down onto the desk. 

   Once in the study and the briefcase and purse was on the desk I sat down in the chair and pulled off my heels. Oh did it feel so good to finally get out of the darn heels. Why? Why do I even bother wearing heels anymore? Yeah they match my outfit but I've got nothing to show off anymore. Years ago I did it to impress a certain silver haired agent but now.. He's moved on.. He doesn't care about me anymore.. Why would he? Mumbling to myself I got up walked over to the self of alcohol and grabbing not one but two bottles of bourbon I than made my way over towards the desk turning off the desk lamp and making my way upstairs to the bedroom.

           Tonight was gonna be like any other night since being home from Europe.. I knew I would probably drown myself in alcohol, drinking till she passed out.. That's how it was every night, the memories of the one and only Leroy Jethro Gibbs haunt my mind and I drink till I can't remember.. Yeah I wake up with a huge hangover every morning but no one seems to notice. Not even the man that I was trying to forget about.. I lost a friend... 

        There was times I tried talking to him but he just didn't listen.. He just keeps on walking, that's the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs for you.. I'd call after him but he would only turn around and smile at me so I stared politely back at him before turning and going on my own way.  The last few days I had been avoiding him. He would go left and I would go right. He wanted me to follow him and I wouldn't. I went home early to avoid him sometimes but I would always come back once I knew he was gone. 

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Step one, you say we need to talk

He walks you say sit down it's just a talk

He smiles politely back at you

You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right

As he goes left and you stay right

Between the lines of fear and blame

And you begin to wonder why you came

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       He blames me for everything.. He never says it to me but I can tell.. He blames me for leaving.. He hates me for leaving him in Paris.. I can see it when he looks at me, when he looked at me I knew he cared but in front of that it was hatred and he had every right to hate me. I made a mistake, a mistake I will regret forever.