Love and the Sea and Everything in Between

chapter thirty-one

I can't keep this baby.

Sitting in my room, curled up on the top bonk, my computer is open in front of me. Two days I've spent in my room, missing classes without a care – I have bigger things to worry about right now than trying to get an A in Philosophy.

Taking a deep breath, I set my fingers to the keyboard and, not knowing what else to do, I type: Planned Parenthood. I click the top result.

The website materializes on the screen in front of me, and I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the thought of it all. It would be quick. Painless.

My hand goes to my stomach and I take a deep breath.

In. Out. My lungs expand and shrink inside my chest and for a moment I think I can feel it, the baby, growing inside me. That's not the case, though. The baby can't be more than a mass of cells yet.

Even still... I can almost make out something inside me.

It's probably just nerves.

I can't keep this baby, I remind myself. I can't do this alone. So I write down the phone number for the closest Planned Parenthood location and close my computer, leaning back against the wall. My arms wrapped around my stomach, I drift to sleep and try to forget everything – even if it's for but a moment.

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