A life without Blair Waldorf.. "It's not okay"

Chapter 6. If only we could turn back time

All that money, still no time machine.

Blair Cornelia Waldorf-Bass. I must say, it came to me as a shock when I heard that she died from an internal bleeding. Where do I even start? Oh, I know. I'll take you back to the time where she left us. I know you guys are all just dying to know what happened.
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"Mr. Bass? I know this must come to a shock for you.. we tried everything.. nothing would work.."

Chuck couldn't say anything. He couldn't see straight. He couldn't think. He couldn't believe. He sure as hell couldn't stand up.

"I'm going to give you all the time you need.. Although that wouldn't even be enough. If you need me, I'm staying at the room next to the reception" Dr. Hamilton said as he walked away.

Tears were running down Chucks face. He felt his heart beating in his neck. He stared at the floor. He knew he had to go see Blair.

Chuck walked towards the room Blair was laying in slowly. As he opened the door he saw Blair laying on the bed. Pale. Petrified. He let himself fall on the seat next to the bed. He looked at her. Then looked at her belly. He started to cry out loud. He just couldn't find a way to believe it.

"Blair?" he said hoping to get answer. "Please say something."

"Blair.. Don't leave me.. you said you would always be next to me.. you're not leaving me.. not ever.." he wiped off his tears that kept running.

"You have to be here.. with me, Blair, you have to.. how can I live without you.. I can't live without you, Blair.. I can't.. please wake up.. I can't lose you.. ever.. It's not possible.." he hold her hands. They were already starting to get colder.

"Okay.. Blair.. I'm going to tell you a story.."

"There once was a.. a young man who loved a young woman.. that woman.. she was the most.. the most strong and beautiful woman.. he ever knew could excist.. he was lucky to marry her.. please Blair.. wake up.."

He stood up and walked around the room. Tears still running out of his eyes. He walked back towards Blair and grabbed her hand.

"Blair.. you once told me that we would make our own fairytales.. how am I supposed to do that without you.. We weren't done making them.. Blair, please just come back to me.. I can't think of having to spend the rest of my life without you.." he kneeled down on the floor. "I need you.."

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*One week later, at the funeral*

Everyone was standing together. Some holding eachother's hands. Some holding flowers. This is by far the most unexpected day there would ever be. Having to bury Blair Cornelia Waldorf-Bass and her and Chucks little unborn child. Everyone walked to the place where her coffin was placed in the ground.

Some people had a speech prepared. Serena was the first one to talk.

"I'm not going to say much.. because what is there to say? I lost my best friend.. and I have to witness the pain her husband is in.. and not to mention Henry.. that lovely boy.. he shouldn't be in this much pain.." Serena said with tears running down her cheeks. "Blair once wrote me a letter.. now I wrote one for her.."

"Dear Blair, my whole world is falling apart.. and it's all because you aren't here.. you're not here with me anymore.. I'm running out of tears.. all I think of these days is just holding you one last time.. and dressing up together like we used to.. act like models.. fighting over Dan and Nate.. all I hope for is just waking up, opening two doors.. and there you would be.. laying in your bed.. where are you.. why don't you call.. why did you leave without saying goodbye.. I miss you so much, B.. and my love for you is unstoppable.. Love, Serena" Serena couldn't stop crying and Lily wrapped her in her arms to solace her.

Then Nate stood up and sighed. He wiped his tears and started.

"Well.. this is really happening.. here I am talking to a crowd full of people.. anyone but you B.. years ago you were the girl I was going to marry.. you married my best friend instead.." he said while looking at Chuck who smiled at him with tears in his eyes. "And that was probably the best thing you ever did.. but now here we are.. the Non Judging Breakfast Club is missing one member.." Chuck and Serena both smiled at Nate with teary eyes. "Blair, all the times I spent with you are ones I'm going to recall.. Always.."

"Well.. we're not doing great here without you, Blair-bear.. my little princess.. my angel.. you truly had become the strong, powerfull woman you always wanted to be.. and that's what makes me so proud.. my heart is yours.." Harold said with a proud smile while wiping off his tears.

"It's not easy, saying goodbye.. especially when it is to someone you looked up to.. you always told me you looked up to me, but you were wrong. I looked up to you, Blair.. because you always had to work for everything you accomplished in your life.. and you did.. you accomplished everything you worked for.." Eleanor said proudly. Cyrus held her hand during her speech but now it was his turn.

"Blair.. Lovely Blair. There are not enough words to describe the feeling of letting you go.. not enough tears to let you know.. that we miss you.." he teared up and this time Eleanor was holding his hand.

"Mom.." Henry began to cry. Chuck wrapped his arms around him. "I love you.. and I miss you.. I drew you something.. " and he threw the drawing on the coffin. It was a painting of him and Chuck and above them there was a angel watching over them called Blair.

Now it was time for Chuck to finally let Blair go. Even though he didn't want to. He knew he had to do this. Everyone looked at him. Lily grabbed his hand and whispered "it's okay."
It was time for Chuck to say his final and last goodbye to his wife. He swallowed and began to speak.

"There are only three words, eight letters to describe my feelings.. I miss you.." Tears flowed out of his eyes. He began to shake. "Blair.. five and a half years ago you made me the happiest man in the world by letting me make you my wife.. Audrey once said 'anyone who does not believe in miracles, is not a realist' and she was right.. because you were a miracle, Blair.. you were my miracle.. and now I need to let my miracle go.. and no one will ever understand how much that fucking hurts.. it's not okay to having to let you go.. it's not okay that I'll never see you again.. it's not okay that I will never be able to hold you again.. that's one of the last things you said to me.. 'it's okay'.. well it's not.. I not only have to let you go.. but I need to let our baby go too.. and we were going to wait until she was born but.. that's not possible.. so.. it was a girl.." he fell on his knees "If I ever had to pick a memory that I could relive.. It would be the Bar Mitzvah.. because I would have had the change to laugh with you, to dance with you, to kiss you, to hold you, to touch you and then to let you go.." he softly threw his peonies on her coffin. "Rest in piece, Waldorf.."

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Aw, it's all very frustrating, isn't it? Even I got to say I'm a little teared up by the fact that Blair Waldorf isn't with us anymore. Lucky for me I'm the only one who saw who also made an appearance today. I'll never tell.

XOXO GG