Coffee and Love

Choking on Goodbyes

"This is Brianna coming from you on BBC Radio 1 HotMess. I've got my co-host Nikki here."

"Temporary." I reminded her.

"Unfortunately it seems she really is temporary as this is Nikki's last show and tomorrow she will be boarding a flight back to America." Brianna looked at me sadly. "But I think we should give #UnionNick one final go and let Nikki know how much we're going to miss her."

I smiled and put an arm around her "Don't be too sad, Brianna. I'll be back on some of my college breaks and BBC already said I could stop by and help you out with the show when I'm here."

"They should've just made you a permanent host." Brianna grumbled.

"Either way, I've gotta get my degree. I'll be back in a year, England, don't miss me too much." I chuckled. "Don't forget to ask us questions using #HotMessQuestions or calling in. Since I'm leaving I got to choose the first song of the day and I think everyone in the Phandom will appreciate my choice. Here's Brittany Spears with Toxic."

Brianna groaned as soon as we were off. "I really thought they were going to hire you. They told me they're not looking to hire anyone at all."

"What's gonna happen to Hotmess? You ready to host it by yourself?"

"No. They said they have some grand idea and it's gonna take a bit to transition to it." Brianna rolled her eyes "But I will be alone for however long the transition period is." She looked out at the lounge where Dan and Phil were watching to buy time before their show. "What are you and Phil going to do? And Dan and Sam?"

"Long distance." I said simply, even though it wasn't a simple thing. "The boys have a few cons in America and Sam and I are planning trips back here. I think Skype is going to be involved a lot." I chuckled to hide my worry. "If it's meant to work out, it'll work out."

"I hope it works out." Brianna said honestly before switching back into radio mode. "And we're back and ready to tackle your questions. Caller number one is..."

-

"Should I fell honored that you chose to stay in and cook in my kitchen for your last night here?" Phil asked. I laughed and placed the plate of salmon and rice in front of him. "Seriously, Nikki, I offered you any restaurant in all of London and a two hour radius and you chose my kitchen."

"I didn't want to eat out." I said, sitting across from him. "I didn't want a bunch of other people involved with my last night." I blushed and looked away "I just wanted you."

"What about your friends?" Phil asked curiously.

"We said our goodbyes yesterday and all my stuff except one suitcase has been sent back home. So it's a good thing you said I could spend the night." I picked at my food, but wasn't all that hungry.

"Are you nervous about going back?" Phil didn't seem to have a problem with his appetite as he ate a way. "You're a really good cook, Nikki, maybe you should go on Hell's Kitchen or something." He joked.

"Not nervous. Not going on Hell's kitchen." I replied. "It's not going back that's scaring me. It's leaving London...leaving you and Dan and BBC. What if when I finally come back we don't all fit together? What if I can't find a job or you and I drift apart?"

"Then we drift apart and you live as a homeless person." Phil said "It wouldn't be the end of the world and it would make a nice video."

I gave him a stern look. "I'm serious, Philip."

"So am I, Nicole." Phil kicked my foot lightly. "Don't think about what could go wrong. If you're gonna focus on things you can't control, focus on the positives. Like that you'll be with your family and you're gonna get your degree and once you have said degree there'll be more places than just BBC who want you."

I smiled down at my salmon as he spoke. "Thank you. I needed to hear that. I forget about the good stuff."

"That's what I'm here for." Phil said.

The next morning we stood in the airport with Sam and Dan, none of us sure what to say. "Call me when you get in." Dan finally broke the silence, kissing Sam's forehead. "And don't forget to skype me at 3 every day."

"I won't." Sam laughed sadly.

Phil pulled me away from the couple so they could have privacy. "We didn't set up a schedule skype time...is that something we should do?" he asked.

"Not really our style to schedule things, now is it?" I wrapped my arms around him tightly. "Just promise to talk to me as often as you can." I whispered into his chest. "And write me letters like you promised. And I'll see you when I'm back in London."

Phil looked at me, a few tears falling down his cheeks. "I wish we had longer together." He sighed, holding my face in his hands. "This is going to be the longest year of my life."

"Please, please don't cry. You'll make me cry." I whimpered, kissing the inside of his wrist. "This year will fly by. You'll see." I kissed him passionately, pouring all of my emotions into the single moment. The attendant announced last call for boarding my flight. I glanced over to see Sam and Dan untangling from their own passionate kiss. "It's really not even a full year when you think about it." I tried to brighten Phil's day. "Just until I graduate."

"I love you." Phil said, not letting me go quite yet. "I love you, Little Intern."

"I'm not the Little Intern anymore." I reminded him gently.

"Fine, I love you, Nikki. Don't forget about me while back home."

Sam started to drag me away, but I stopped and looked into Phil's baby blue eyes. "I love you too, Phil." I blew him a kiss then boarded the plane back to America with my best friend.

Despite my friends and mine best efforts, we weren't together for Fall Break like expected. Life wouldn't allow everything to just work out for us. I ended up falling ill the night before getting on the plane and was on bed rest for three days due to a severe case of the flu. Phil was the most disappointed. It was one thing to miss a chance to see my friends, but I'd see them for Christmas soon enough. Phil and I would have to wait until Spring and that drove us both insane.

Christmas came around and my parents dragged my brother and me up to Massachusetts to visit family. The only good part about this was that Sam was in Massachusetts visiting family also and we were only half an hour apart. We also both understood the pain the other was going through due to long distance and had made many plans to spend time together.

"You're not your usual cheery self." My cousin Molly commented as we decorated the tree. "What's wrong, Nikki?"

"Nothing." I muttered, trying hard not to glare as her boyfriend happily helped hang a few ornaments, his arm wrapped around her waist.

"Nikki! Your phone is making strange noises!" My Aunt Mary announced from the sitting room and I rushed over. "Who is Phil Lester again?"

"Her boyfriend from London. I told you about him." My mother said, handing me my phone. "They met because of YouTube."

"No, he spilled coffee on her. It's an internet love story, don't mess it up!" Molly, who was a fan of both Dan and Phil and 4Girls1Camera, called from the tree. "I'll tell it to you, Aunt Mary. Nikki went to London to work for BBC and her first day there she ran into Phil and he spilled coffee on her and..."

Molly's voice faded away as I stepped out on to the front porch to facetime with Phil. It was cold, but Massachusetts had never really bothered me, plus being outside was one of the few ways to get peace and quiet with a house full of family. "Isn't it late for you, Phil?" I teased and from the video on his side I could make out he was in the back of a car with Dan.

"Never too late to talk to my girly." Phil smiled. "So, I've got some news, and I really hope you take it well."

"What news? Why wouldn't I take it well?" I asked in alarm. "What did you do?"

"Nothing. Nothing. It's just...a surprise and we all know how well you handle surprises." Phil laughed. "Maybe I just won't tell you."

"NO! Now you have to tell me." I informed him. "Go on, Philip."

"Yeah, Philip, go on." Dan mimicked me teasingly.

Phil took a deep breath and glanced out the window of his car. "I..."