Dan Howell's guide to acting straight

Introduction thingy ma jiggy

Hello there! I am known as Dan, dark lord of all, and I am the straightest person on the whole of planet earth.
Literally.
(I left a fabulous picture of me at the top for you to all drool over)

I have never ONCE had a crush on a person of the same gender as me, and I wouldn't DREAM of getting with someone that didn't have a vajayjay.......

Sorry, my boyfriend Phil just asked if I wanted some tea.

Anyway, as I was saying- dating boys is a big NONO. I'd much rather date Megan Fox or some anime character. (I've decided that having a crush on 12 anime boys in NO WAY lessens my straightness, and I'm still as straight as a ruler... *wobbles one of those flexible rulers around* )

Lol jk I'm so funny.

Straight.
I promise.

BUT DAMN PHILLY, WHY YOU GOT TO LOOK SO GOOD.
HEY PHILLY YOU'RE SO FINE, YOU'RE SO FINE IT BLOWS MY MIND, HEY PHILLY... HEY PHILLY...

*Ahem*
I'm sorry I don't know what got over me then.

I've prolonged this introduction way to much, but I hope you enjoy my short tips of how to act straight like me.

-Dan <3