Poetry At Its Best..... I Hope (Editing In Process)

Saved by the bathtub

I sit in the bathtub
The scorching water hitting my back while i sit there and embrace the pain
You might think, "Ouch! Thats gotta hurt" or "What are trying to do?! Boil yourself?!?!"
But it doesn't
The stinging pain all on my back and in my scalp doesn't hurt me
To me that stinging pain just melts the weight of my back of all the depression and regret i have
Yes regret
The regret of letting people step all over me
The regret of thinking hiding and running is better than sucking it up and fighting
The regret of falling in love more than once
The regret of feeling this way
The regret of thinking im nothing
But now i know that im not just nothing
I might feel like shit but there are people who actually love me for who i am
They love me
Yes me
The stupid, selfish, stubborn, hating, lying, conniving, reckless person that i am
So many i cant even name all of them
But still
I sit in the bathtub
Letting the scorching water hit my back
Because even though there are people that love me
I dont love myself
Not even like
I hate myself
No, i loathe myself
And i let the scorching water hit my back and my hair so i can control myself
Even though it will leave burns on my back
Which i did have some, but have healed
But still
I do this everyday
In the bathtub
Trying to get my feelings to wash off
And let the water help me keep my smile on my face everyday
And just to add a little humor/more sadness
I guess i can say that ever since i was 10 ive always been
"Saved by the bathtub"
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Im sorry if theres any mistakes i did this at like 3:00am so..... Sorry!!!!!