wasting time » lh ; mc

nineteen

"Nothing," Michael sighed, frustrated—at what, he wasn't sure. He didn't know what to do with himself; there was a lot on his mind and there was a whole novel full of things he needed to say but he just didn't want to. "I've had a bad couple of weeks, if you haven't noticed. I'm just trying to figure myself out, okay?"

"But, you're taking it out on me..."

"Because you're basically the cause of all of this! Everything in my life was exactly the way I wanted until you showed up." Michael pulled his knees up to his chest and laid his head in his hands. "I'm doubting myself, I'm fucking up; why? Because of you!"

"All I do is try to help," Luke frowned. What did he do? He thought he was being helpful, because that's what it was. Making Michael realize things about himself was a good thing, wasn't it? And helping him acknowledge certain parts of himself was okay.

Luke wasn't doing anything wrong, Michael just wasn't ready to admit that he was.

"I don't want your help. You don't help with anything, Luke. You make me realize I'm a horrible person." Has he always been this way? So in denial of others assisting him through things? Michael's never noticed. But, lately, any time it's offered he begins yelling. And, the one time he did accept it (blindly, really), he let his feelings get the better of him and still gets angry.

"You're a great person," Luke reassured.

"And you do that!" Michael groaned. He knows Luke can't help it and he's just being nice, but the feeling Michael gets is starting to become annoying and hopeless. "You can't! I like you, that doesn't help at all!"

"I--I--" Luke stopped. He frowned. "I'm sorry."

This is another thing Michael realized: he's not good at dealing with things. Which, really, is noticeable by now, but in this very moment he wishes it weren't true. He came over to solve some of the problems he caused and to express the shit-storm of a thought process he's been having, but it seems he's only created more issues. That's all Michael ever does.

"Please don't apologize," Michael said after a few moments of tension. He slid his back down the door so he ended up sitting with his knees to his chest again, resting his chin on them. "I'm sorry I'm so hard to deal with lately. I don't mean it."

"You know I'm here for you, right?"

And then, Michael stops. He tries to conjure up a sentence but no formation of letters could possibly convey the complete gratitude and confusion he has at this moment.

For so long Michael has had to cope and deal with things on his own. Having someone there to help him through it is a foreign feeling. His dad was cool, but it's already been established that whatever Michael is going through would be dismissed as soon as he admitted anything about it.

But he's also had Calum for so long. And it took Luke being there for him to realize everything he already had. He's neglected so many things and now everything that has happened lately feels a lot like karma.

Still, Michael couldn't explain his thanks. So, instead, he said, "I love this incredibly cliché book moment we're having. It's very meta."

Which, thankfully, Luke at least forced a laugh out of himself. "You ruined it."

"I'm sorry."

Luke grinned, leaning his back against his door as they were still standing. "I've never heard you apologize as much as you have these past few weeks." And that's a sad thing for someone to realize. Michael is a self-centered person, he knows. It's not how he started out, or how he ever wanted to be, but it's who he turned into. And he at least still has time to change it.

"I'm learning, okay?" Michael smiled crookedly up at Luke, who nodded with reassurance.

"I'm glad."

Michael sighed; he is, too. But, there was one more thing he had to learn how to tell Luke.

• • •

this is trash and short and all over the place and idk idk idk i might edit it later

don't forget about gorgeous nightmare and a lack of color, they're being updated soon. and comic boy may or may not be coming back :-))))))