Keeping a Strong Performance

One Sided Conversations and Ginger Ale

So.... I uh don't know what to say here but um... I'm a terrible person in my opinion so enjoy this here part that makes no sense.

Bertolt's POV

When I woke up, I had the most awful headache. I felt someone presence quite close to me. They actually had their arms around me and their head was only of mine. It wouldn't have scared me if I'd been able to remember what I did the night before. I slowly started to look at the person that was holding onto me. Immediately I seen hard muscles through a shirt and I knew who it was.

I untangled myself from him and crawled backwards to get away. I looked at his sleeping dorm and wondered why he was cuddling me. I felt dry tears on my face and knew it couldn't have been a good night for either of us. I held my head to try to get the pain to go away but I felt a sick feeling take over me. I got up and ran to the bathroom. I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet and sat next to it in the floor.

My breathing was ragged, and my mind was racing with different things that had been on my mind for a while now. As I sat there, memories from last night started becoming clear. I cursed myself for getting drunk and crying and begging Reiner to stay with me even after I promised that I wouldn't do that. As I thought over the occurrences, I started to feel sick again and it wasn't from the hangover. I emptied everything from my intestines and just sat there for a moment hovering over the toilet.

Finally, I made myself get up and flush the contents down. I brushed my teeth to get the horrid taste of vomit out of my mouth. When I finished doing that, I attempted to wash my face to rid myself of my hangover appearance. It didn't work but it was worth the shot. I walked back into the living room and seen Reiner was still asleep. I couldn't help but smile at him, he looked so peaceful when he was asleep.

When we would just sleep all day I would watch him sleep and listen to his heart beat while he breathed slowly. It was the most comforting thing I had when I felt alone. He never seemed to mind me being a leech and I took advantage of that. He would just hold me as I snuggled with him. I would make stupid comments to make him laugh so I would feel his chest move with it and I could hear him happy.

I made myself look away from him and stop remembering the memories that weren't mine anymore. I went to the fridge and looked in. There was some ginger ale thankfully and I grabbed a bottle. I opened it and sat on the little step going down into the living room from the kitchen. I took slow sips of my beverage to calm my hangover at least a little.

I did my best to not look at him, but it was proving to be a losing battle with myself. I hated the idea that it was wrong for him to be here, and I hated the fact that I hated that idea. I wasn't a stable person, but in all honesty who would be if the person of their dreams was so close yet so far away. Then I thought about something else. Was he doing this on purpose knowing that him being so close was killing me? Did he know that I just wanted him to hold me like he used to when I would have my nightmares every once in a while?

Or was I just out of my mind? I'd probably become so desperate that I'd started making up possibilities of him wanting to hurt me further, but when reality hit me I knew I had to be crazy. He had someone that was perfect, so why would he waste his time trying to hurt me more when he has what he wants? It's simple, he wouldn't. I'm not worth the trouble of it and I knew that. I was lucky that I even ever got to meet him, let alone love him.

I felt tears come to my eyes again but I pushed them back down. I didn't want to cry anymore. I just wanted to be happy again but if I ever became happy again, would someone try to take that away too? Was I destined to be alone and unhappy? I took another sip of my ginger ale and looked at the empty bottles around me. It was a surprise that I didn't have a worse hangover with how much it appeared that I'd drank.