Keeping a Strong Performance

What a Joke

What is life anymore?

I had finally decided to go to work today. I knew I was going to get fired so why not get it over with? I put on my classic button up and sweater duo to try and make me not look so thin, but my legs gave me away. I've become slightly pale over the course of time spent sitting at home and staring at the papers that I refused to read.

I jumped in my car, trying to remember how to drive. I drove to my work building and parked in my spot. I was mentally prepared for my firing and I would accept anything that my boss had to say to me about being unpunctual. I exhaled and got out of my car. I walked into the building, ignoring the stares I was getting. I didn't take the elevator, it was too crowded. Instead I took the stairs that seemed to be endless.

Eventually, I made it to the top and walked through the other offices. Everyone either looked at me with shock or pity. I walked to Ms. Brzenska's office and knocked on the door. I heard her say come in and I did. She looked at me as if I was some kind of salesman that wouldn't leave her alone.

"Sit." She commanded and I nodded. I didn't even bother with covering up my distress because it didn't matter anymore. "Now would you care to explain to me as to why you have been absent from your job for the passed month?" She commanded more than asked and I nodded numbly.

"I haven't got a real good reason as to why I've been gone." I began and she nodded for me to continue. "It's just my husband has been cheating on me and I didn't know it until I walked in on them one day and he just left. I-I hadn't even left my house until yesterday because I was so upset with myself." I laughed dryly. "I understand completely if you have to fire me. I am prepared to accept the consequences of my actions." I said, and I wasn't lying. She shocked me with her next words.

"I'm not going to fire you. My parents live a few floors down from you, you've spoken with them a time or two before. They think you are a very nice young man and they told me everything that happened because they heard you." She chuckled at the thought of me yelling that loud. "I want you to take as much time as you need to get all of this figured out. So with that being said, get the fuck out of my office and don't come back until you get your husband situation figured out." She smiled kindly at me.

I took a breath and nodded. I got up and walked out of her office. My phone went off as soon as I walked out and it was Annie. She told me that we had to get to the courthouse to sign those papers that haunted me every day. I was glad that I had Annie with me even if she was a bit brutal. I had to talk myself into actually leaving and going to the place that would make all of this real.

When I got to my destination, Annie was already there and she was wearing a black dress that seemed out of place on her. "You look better in boy clothes." I said and she smirked.

"You look better after you've been pounded into the ground by my fist." I laughed quietly at her bluntness. "Now come one, they're waiting for you." I nodded and walked to the door. I pushed it open and walked in. I told the last at the desk who I was and what I was there for. She directed me to a room down the hall and I could see three people in the room already when I walked to the door.

I knocked and went in without waiting for someone to tell me to come in. There was an official court person in there and on one side of the table Reiner sat with Mikasa next to him. I never thought this would be happening to me but I just took in a shaky breath and sat across from Reiner. The person at the head of the table began speaking but I tuned them out. I couldn't take my eyes off of Reiner and Mikasa's hands interlocked as they sat together.

There wasn't much to be said if someone asked why he left me for her. She was beautiful, smart, and a girl. I would never even be a close second to her if put in a race together. She was strong and could keep her man. I was brought out of my thoughts when that damn official spoke to me. "Mr. Hoover, have you read over the papers and agreed with all the conditions of this divorce?" He asked and I looked at the three people in the room.

"No." I said. "I haven't looked at the damn things." I stated without thinking. Mikasa scoffed and I glared at her. "And I won't if she's in here." I said and she glared at me.

"You have nothing to say to me." She said and if she hadn't been a female I would've punched her in the face right there. Reiner didn't say anything, he just looked at me with sad eyes. The person at the head of the table slid the papers and a pen to me and told me to take my time. I tried to read them, I really did, but when I seen the line that I had to sign my name on I couldn't breathe.

It made it all too real. I started to sweat and breathe hard. The room felt like it was closing in on me and my anxiety was kicking in again. It hadn't done that in a long time so of course I didn't know how to stop it. "I can't do this." I breathed and attempted to stand up. My legs buckled and I had to use the table for support. I seen Reiner stand up and grab my shoulder. I went limp in his hands and the last thing I remember before everything going dark was Reiner's scared eyes looking at me....
~
When I opened my eyes I noticed that I was in a hospital. It was dark in there and I could tell that it was night time. I heard beeping coming from a machine and I had an IV in my arm. I felt something in my left hand as I laid there and I looked over to see my arm lying on a mobile table and Reiner asleep on it. I tuned on my side to look at him. His hand was in mine and his grip was gentle. I couldn't help but smile at him.

I reached over with my other arm that had the needle in it and brushed my hand through his soft blonde hair. I was gentle but he must not have been in a deep sleep because he stirred and began to sit up. He looked at me and noticed that I was awake. He immediately scooted closer to me and bad worry in his eyes.

"Hey." My voice was hoarse and I began to wonder how long I had been asleep. "How long have I been asleep?" I asked and he yawned.

"A couple days. Doctor said that your blood sugar was way too low for normal life to occur so you just passed out. They're giving you liquids too because you were dehydrated." He said and I nodded. "How are you feeling?" I didn't know how to answer that. Was he asking that about my mental state or my physical health? I simply shrugged and looked passed Reiner at the wall. I didn't know why he was here or why he was holding my hand.

Did he just suddenly start caring? Or was this just a show so that he wouldn't look so heartless? I closed my eyes to rid myself of all the depressing thoughts I had running through my mind. I didn't sign those papers, I knew that much. I was so confused with all of this that I couldn't process what was going on. "Your mom wants you to call her. She's worried about you." He whispered.

"I can't." I said and he looked as confused as I felt. "We both know I wouldn't make it through that phone call." I laughed a humorless laugh. I turned onto my back again and stared at the ceiling. "She asks to many questions that I'm not ready to answer just yet." I spoke with my eyes closed, hoping I didn't sound as lost as I was.

"Well when you're ready, everything can be taken care of. But until then just get some rest and eat something for fucks sake." He told me with a nudge to my shoulder. I looked at him as he stood up.

"I literally have no food at my house." I stated and he looked down at me with his eyebrow raised. "I'm not even kidding. There is not a thing in the fridge or pantry that is safe to eat." He shook his head.

"I'm going to bring you some groceries when you get out of here so don't worry about it. I've gotta run but I'll be back later. I'll take you home if Annie can't." And with that he was gone. He left me by myself in the dark of my room. I looked at my left hand, the one he had been holding when I woke up. I noticed that a ring was back on my finger. It wasn't mine, but Reiner's.

Until forever? What a joke.