:Chapter 15: Lift Your Heart Up

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Dan missed a few class days once again, but it was worth it.

He collapsed on the sofa with a groan,1 which was responded to with a heart felt laugh.

Phil placed the last box on the floor, nudgeing his boyfriend with his foot.

"Cmon lazy bear."

Dan groaned but sat up anyway.

"You need to finish setting up your room."Phil laughed.

"I'll do it later. Cuddle with me!" he demanded, grabbing Phil and tugging him onto the couch.

Their first night living together was not as productive as they would have liked but couch snuggling, movie marathons, and pizza sounded far more appealing anyway.

When Dan returned to university it was without his whiteboard and Phil by his side.

Phil held his hand supportively as Dan reported his bully, displaying the hand shaped bruises that were slowly healing.

Dan still didnt like speaking in class and avoided it like the plague, but he paid a lot attention to the lessons.

Things didn't magically heal though. 

Dan still had bad days.

Really bad days.

The first incident happened two weeks after he moved in.

The thoughts swarmed, heart beat brokenly, screams begged to be released.

Dan squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed harshly, keeping as silent as possible.

He couldn't do this.

He wasn't strong enough to be happy.

The bite of the razor was twistedly comforting as it began to glide across his too pale arm.

Too white, too pure, it made him sick.

"Dan?" he heard his boyfriend enter the apartment.

His breathing hitched but he didnt budge.

The running shower should tell Phil to leave him alone.

But of course, his boyfriend could be down right nosey sometimes.

"Bear?"Phils signature knock rang around the bathroom and Dan glared at the closed door.

"Im in the shower."His voice dripped with venom.

"Are you alright?"Phil asked startled.

"Im fine Phil."Dan huffed and looked down at the single cut.

I need more, he decided and readied the razor again.

"Dan seriously whats wrong-" The unlocked door swung open and Dan immidiately cradled his bleeding arm to his chest.

"Get out Phil!"Dan snapped.

"Why are you on the floor?"Phil asked bewildered.

"Out!"Dan yelled.

Phil jumped, staring down at him wide eyed.

Dan never acted like this.

It was then a crimson tear rolled down Dans chest, his arm still bleeding.

"Dan..."Phil whispered, joining Dan on the floor and hugging him tightly, careful not to touch the blood.

These events happened on occasion, but Phil never reacted negatively.

He was understanding, informing Dan he knew it was hard and that he wasn't mad.

Each time it happened, Phil would wait patiently while Dan cleaned up, then declare the day a day of relaxation.

Over time, things improved.

Dans urges grew more and more bearable, their relationship became stronger, and Dan even contacted his family more.

The only problem was university.

It had Dan ready to detonate like a stray grenade.

The work was boring and overwhelming, causing Dan to hate it with a burning passion. 

It even drove him to tears much to Phil's dismay.

Finally Dan couldn't handle it anymore, he made his decision.

He was dropping out.




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⏰ Last updated: Dec 21, 2015 ⏰

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