Begging on Your Knees Someday

Chapter 21: Resolving & Plotting

“It happens,” she said and I nodded.

I actually could believe I got that drunk. I knew exactly how much I was drinking and what it would do to me…and I didn’t care. I didn’t want to think about how I watched Rick go upstairs with Andy. I didn’t want to think about what could have been going up in that room.

“Well I better get going.” I said as I tried to ignore the ache in my heart. Just as I turned to get off the bed I felt her gentle warm touch on my arm. I looked back and I saw her looking at me.

“No wait…” she said in almost a whisper that my body couldn’t resist.

“I want to talk to you…I miss you.” She said as she nervously bit her bottom lip and it was driving me crazy.

“We hung out all night.” I said and immediately wished I could take it back. I didn’t want her to feel like I didn’t care, I just didn’t want to keep putting myself in a position that gets me hurt every time.

“No, you know what I mean Mase…” she said and I nodded and leaned back against the headboard of her bed.

“I know you said that everything was fine between us…but I’m not stupid I know it isn’t. Things have been so weird lately and it’s killing me.” She said and I just wanted to hold her and tell her how I felt, tell her how much I loved her.

“Andy…I…uhm…I…” I began to stutter. I love you, I thought to myself. Just tell her I thought but my mouth wasn’t listening to my brain at all. The words wouldn’t come out.

“I uhm… know what you mean, and I’m sorry…” I said and I mentally scolded myself.

“I just I don’t know if I could help with this revenge plan anymore…” I said and I noticed the puzzled look on her face.

“…Its just Rick isn’t my favorite guy…” I said wishing I could take that back, wishing I could redo this moment totally.

“Wait so this is about Rick?” she asked puzzled and I shrugged.

“Yeah I guess…I don’t know…” I said finally giving up.

“There’s a lot of things going on that I want to talk to you about…but I just cant…” I said and I could see the hurt filling her eyes.

“ Oh…” she said.

“I know I’ll be able to talk to you about it soon…but not yet.” I said and she nodded.

“I guess I’m jealous…” I said mentally smacking myself on the forehead. What the hell was I doing? What was I even saying?

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“You're always around Rick or flirting and it sucks…I just miss hanging out with you and not talking about this plan.” I said and she nodded with understanding.

“I get it Mase and I’m sorry…I didn’t realize that it was bothering you.” She said.

“Well you're not psychic, I should have told you...” I said.

“I was talking to Hannah and she told me something that made sense. I cant go from one guy to the next in a week… so she said after I break up with Rick that I should wait some time before I go out with another guy…” she said and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Wait Hannah knows?” I asked as I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy.

“Well uhm…yeah. I needed some advice and since you weren’t around I asked her.” She said and I nodded.

“That’s a good idea…” I said.

That’s exactly what we needed, some time to ourselves. Some time to just hang out and have fun. Some time to man up and tell how you feel, a little voice inside my head shouted.